Where are we headed?

I haven't written here in a while as I've been focusing on my Gratitude Journal. However, recent events have me contemplating what is happening.

I can remember being denied a job because I was pregnant. I can remember jobs being listed in the paper under gender headings. I remember not being allowed to wear pants at school but only skirts or dresses. I remember being steered away from classes in the sciences because 'girls don't do science'. I remember being denied access to birth control because I wasn't married. I remember being told I couldn't get credit without my husband's permission. I remember caring for women who had been raped and had a back alley abortion. I remember being told that there is no such thing as spousal rape. I remember being told I couldn't walk in my high school graduation procession with my friend because she was black. I remember riots because blacks wanted equal rights. I remember women symbolically burning bras because they wanted equal rights. I remember hearing that mixed-race marriages would undermine marriage in this country. I remember 'whites-only' signs in many public places.

How far have we really evolved? Not very far. Many of the instances related above happened as late as the mid-to-late 70s; not so very long ago. I hear talk that the debate over contraception is a Constitutional issue. I think, and this is only my opinion, that the white men who are deciding whether religious institutions can decline to supply contraception to their female employees are hiding behind religion and the Constitution to suppress women. The GOP candidates talk a good game, but their intent seems to be that women have no say in their own lives. Religious institutions who accept Federal money are bound by the same rules as businesses that are not religion-based. Any company that accepts Federal money has to adhere to Federal guidelines. If those guidelines go against your beliefs, don't apply for and accept it. They knew what the guidelines were when they applied for the money, but it's suddenly a big issue? It's not like they were blindsided by these regulations; they knew about them before they applied.

Several states are attempting to pass, and in some cases have succeeded in passing, laws that not only outlaw abortion, even in cases of rape, incest, or to save the mother's life, but also several methods of contraception. These laws in many cases also force a woman who suffers a miscarriage to prove it was not caused by her actions; and this isn't easy because medical science can't explain why many of these miscarriages happen. Same-sex marriage is supposedly going to undermine the sacred institution of marriage, the same argument that was used to outlaw mixed-race marriages.

Personally, I don't agree with abortion as a method of birth control; but I believe that it is an intensely  personal decision that a woman has to make. I don't want to go back to the days of back-alley abortions for the poor when the rich can go to a hospital and have a 'medically necessary' D&C, which is really an abortion. I don't want to go back to the days when women were told their only place was in the home and raising children.

I am tired of white men telling us what we, as women, can and cannot do. I am tired of politicians spouting their faith and beliefs and belittling those of us of other faiths. I am tired of our laws being dictated by the religious right. The US was founded as a country where we are free to follow a religion, or not. Some will argue that this is a Christian country; but that is not what our Founders had in mind. There is no mention of God in the Constitution. Our motto was 'E Pluribus Unum' until the McCarthy hysteria of the 1950s when it was changed to 'In God We Trust'. God wasn't on our money; God wasn't in the Pledge of Allegiance. It was fear that put it there.

We have been living in a climate of fear since the attacks on the twin towers, and some politicians are still stirring up that fear with their rhetoric. And I am sick of it.

Companion animals

Two stories in the news this week hurt my heart: one was about an adorable young pit bull who was turned in to the animal shelter where I work. He had open wounds covering his head, face, and neck; investigators determined that the wounds were consistent with his being used as a bait dog to train dogs for fighting. We took him in, treated his wounds, and assessed him for adoptability. He is a very sweet, loving, dog with a submissive personality; gets along very well with everyone and every dog he was in contact with at the kennels. Submissive dogs are sought after to be bait dogs; they don't kill the dogs in training. This story had a happy ending; he found a forever home with a wonderful family who were happy to adopt him. Here is a story about him from our local newspaper:  http://tucsoncitizen.com/tucson-tails/2012/01/26/tucson-bait-dogs-for-adoption/

The other story does not have a happy ending. Animal rescue owners in Alabama abandoned the kennel and all the animals that were there - no food or water - for over a week. Many of the animals died, some of those who survived did so by cannibalism. The kennel owners have been arrested, but nothing can make up for what they did.  Here's a link to the story:  http://blog.al.com/live/2012/01/20_dogs_and_1_cat_found_dead_a.html

The last story I saw puts the count at 45 animals dead.

Our society is sick. The saying goes that we can judge what kind of society it is by how they treat the weakest among them. What does this say about our society when people refuse to spay or neuter their companion animals? When people think dogfighting is perfectly fine? When just dropping off an animal in the desert is okay once they can't or don't want to care for him or her any more? When drowning kittens and puppies is an alternative to spaying their female dog or cat? When letting an animal roam free, in a city, is okay?

My heart hurts for these defenseless creatures.

Miracles

I have surprised myself: I have been writing in my Gratitude Journal for 15 days (I did miss one day because I forgot!) It has been quite an exercise for me in discipline and creativity. Since I participated in NaNoWriMo, which ended on the last day of November, I haven't written much at all.

Some days are full of the mundane, and it's hard to pick three things to put in the Journal; other days are so full of little miracles, it's hard to pick only three to write into the Journal. And it hasn't become any easier - yet. I suppose if gratitude were easy, everyone would do it. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing? People expressing gratitude for the day-to-day miracles that happen in their lives.

Nature itself is a miracle, if you stop and think about it. A tiny seed, no bigger than a pinhead, can grow into a giant tree; birds instinctively know how to build a nest, how to migrate and which way to go. I am constantly amazed at wild flora and fauna; at the way a hawk will catch the thermals and just soar in ever increasing circles until it is out of sight.





What exactly are miracles? To me, they are the everyday things that happen without any seeming interference from anyone or anything. I know that there are natural laws at work here, and I actually know some of them, but knowing doesn't decrease my wonder at the marvels of our world.

Who are you?

 

How do you define yourself? Who are you? If the first thing you say about yourself is about what you do, then you've missed the point. I used to start out with wife, mother, nurse. But that isn't who I am it's what I am; there's a big difference. Who you are has to do with your attributes, your inner self, your qualities; what you are describes your roles in life.

I am a parent, was a wife and mother, and that's how I defined myself. Then I began to realize that what I did had nothing to do with who I am. I spent a couple of months by myself, groping in the dark, to try to define myself as something other than a used-to-be-a-wife-and-mother-but-now-a-college-student-totally-on-my-own. It took some time for me to realize that my roles did not define who I was as a person. Gradually, my mind cleared, and I crawled out of the black hole I had made for myself to find that I actually like who I am. There were things I needed to change; I was a perfectionist, judgmental, and needed to allow others to be who they are for themselves, not because that's what I wanted for them.

Today, I am still happy with who I am. I don't expect life to give me anything, but I do expect to take from life whatever I need to sustain me. I will search out what I need; in books, from other people, from the Universe, wherever I can find it. And I think I can help others who might have lost their way. I will never push myself onto others; they have to want what I have and ask. Does that sound arrogant? Maybe. But I believe I have to take care of myself or I am no use to others who might need me. I know who I am and what I have to offer.  Do you?

Gratitude journal

I have added a blog - a gratitude journal. You can see it here:
http://newbeginninggratitudejournal.blogspot.com/

Another year gone

It is New Year's Eve Day as I write this. Another year ending; a new one shortly to begin. 2011 was an interesting year - probably an understatement! The biggest change for us was moving out of the house where we had lived for many years and into a new home. Moving is stressful! There are still things to be done to make the house what we want, but we are working on those little by little. There are finally drapes up in the living room and the new laundry room is coming along in fits and starts depending on how much money is available. After that is major remodeling of both bathrooms.

 This was also the year I participated in NaNoWriMo for the first time, and I managed to meet the 50,000 word goal with a day or two to spare! I haven't really looked at what I wrote since the end of November, but that's okay because I'm not ready to go back to it yet. I plan to finish it in January and then start editing shortly after that. NaNoWriMo is a wonderful thing, and I'm already looking forward to next November so I can do it again. (Glutton for punishment??)

We always hope that the New Year is going to be better than the old one. And I suppose it always is better in some areas. It depends where our priorities lie and what we consider success to look like. For me, success is more a matter of what I think and feel than any outward sign of wealth. Too many people think success is having more material things, the bigger-better-faster-more-expensive mindset. I disagree. Material things are transient; this year's 'big thing' is next year's gone-by-the-wayside. I just don't believe that if I have a bigger more expensive car than you do that it makes me a more successful person.

I believe I am successful if I am content with my life and am happy with what I have. Yes, there are things I would like to have, but having them isn't going to make me happier. I try to express gratitude every day not only for what I have but also for what I am going to have. And that gratitude includes things that may seem bad at the time. We can never know in advance how life will be; sometimes our lives are better because of little blips along the way. I certainly believe that. I am the person I am because of the sum of my experiences, good and bad, along the way. And I wouldn't change any of it!

So Happy New Year my friends. I hope your New Year is filled with success, however you define it! And may you have good health, good friends, and good cheer!!

Be Yourself

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Dr. Seuss

'Be yourself' the sages say, but they don't tell you how to be yourself. How can you be yourself if you don't know who you are? I know who I am; I stick to my principles. Sometimes it's hard to remember what they are when the whole world seems to be crumbling around me. And there are some people who make it difficult for me to remember to love the person even when they are being obnoxious. How does one gain self awareness? How can we become who we are supposed to be?

I don't have all the answers; I don't think any one person does. There are enlightened people in this world; they will be the first to tell you they don't have all the answers. I read a lot, consider, revise, discard, read some more, listen to people, talk to them, then make up my own mind about things.

We have forgotten civility - it's been a long time coming. Does anyone else remember a time when we could have discussions, debates, on important issues without resorting to name-calling? Without labeling someone a Nazi or a Communist? We don't respect ourselves, let alone each other. If we have no love nor respect for ourselves, how can we respect and love others?

There are things about myself I don't necessarily like; some I can change, some I can't. I'm short - I can't change that. I'm overweight - I can change that and I am. I hate my hair color - I do change that -regularly. I like my eye color - I don't want to change that. There are personality traits I have that I inherited from my parents; some I like and some I don't. I can rail against my parents for making me who I am or I can act like the grown up person I am and work on changing what I don't like or at least harnessing that trait for positive instead of negative.

I used to worry about what others thought about me; I wanted to be loved by everyone. Then I discovered I was tearing myself apart trying to be all things to all people. I decided that I didn't like everyone I met so why should I expect everyone I met to like me? I began to change. I started the journey to becoming who I am meant to be. It has been a long journey with many detours along the way. And I expect there will be more detours.

There are people in this world who are negative, who are always complaining, as I used to do. Now, I focus on what I want, on what I have, instead of on what I don't have and what I don't want. Although positive thinking wasn't easy at first, I have found that it is now almost second nature; I don't have to think about it most of the time. We can find the positive in every negative if we only look.

Being myself is a lifelong journey. And life itself is a journey; a journey I am enjoying more as I become more who I am.