A new beginning

Miracles

2012-01-21T17:06:00.003-07:00

I have surprised myself: I have been writing in my Gratitude Journal for 15 days (I did miss one day because I forgot!) It has been quite an exercise for me in discipline and creativity. Since I participated in NaNoWriMo, which ended on the last day of November, I haven't written much at all.

Some days are full of the mundane, and it's hard to pick three things to put in the Journal; other days are so full of little miracles, it's hard to pick only three to write into the Journal. And it hasn't become any easier - yet. I suppose if gratitude were easy, everyone would do it. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing? People expressing gratitude for the day-to-day miracles that happen in their lives.

Nature itself is a miracle, if you stop and think about it. A tiny seed, no bigger than a pinhead, can grow into a giant tree; birds instinctively know how to build a nest, how to migrate and which way to go. I am constantly amazed at wild flora and fauna; at the way a hawk will catch the thermals and just soar in ever increasing circles until it is out of sight.

What exactly are miracles? To me, they are the everyday things that happen without any seeming interference from anyone or anything. I know that there are natural laws at work here, and I actually know some of them, but knowing doesn't decrease my wonder at the marvels of our world.

Who are you?

2012-01-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

How do you define yourself? Who are you? If the first thing you say about yourself is about what you do, then you've missed the point. I used to start out with wife, mother, nurse. But that isn't who I am it's what I am; there's a big difference. Who you are has to do with your attributes, your inner self, your qualities; what you are describes your roles in life.

I am a parent, was a wife and mother, and that's how I defined myself. Then I began to realize that what I did had nothing to do with who I am. I spent a couple of months by myself, groping in the dark, to try to define myself as something other than a used-to-be-a-wife-and-mother-but-now-a-college-student-totally-on-my-own. It took some time for me to realize that my roles did not define who I was as a person. Gradually, my mind cleared, and I crawled out of the black hole I had made for myself to find that I actually like who I am. There were things I needed to change; I was a perfectionist, judgmental, and needed to allow others to be who they are for themselves, not because that's what I wanted for them.

Today, I am still happy with who I am. I don't expect life to give me anything, but I do expect to take from life whatever I need to sustain me. I will search out what I need; in books, from other people, from the Universe, wherever I can find it. And I think I can help others who might have lost their way. I will never push myself onto others; they have to want what I have and ask. Does that sound arrogant? Maybe. But I believe I have to take care of myself or I am no use to others who might need me. I know who I am and what I have to offer. Do you?

Gratitude journal

2012-01-06T18:47:00.002-07:00

I have added a blog - a gratitude journal. You can see it here:
http://newbeginninggratitudejournal.blogspot.com/

Another year gone

2011-12-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

It is New Year's Eve Day as I write this. Another year ending; a new one shortly to begin. 2011 was an interesting year - probably an understatement! The biggest change for us was moving out of the house where we had lived for many years and into a new home. Moving is stressful! There are still things to be done to make the house what we want, but we are working on those little by little. There are finally drapes up in the living room and the new laundry room is coming along in fits and starts depending on how much money is available. After that is major remodeling of both bathrooms.

This was also the year I participated in NaNoWriMo for the first time, and I managed to meet the 50,000 word goal with a day or two to spare! I haven't really looked at what I wrote since the end of November, but that's okay because I'm not ready to go back to it yet. I plan to finish it in January and then start editing shortly after that. NaNoWriMo is a wonderful thing, and I'm already looking forward to next November so I can do it again. (Glutton for punishment??)

We always hope that the New Year is going to be better than the old one. And I suppose it always is better in some areas. It depends where our priorities lie and what we consider success to look like. For me, success is more a matter of what I think and feel than any outward sign of wealth. Too many people think success is having more material things, the bigger-better-faster-more-expensive mindset. I disagree. Material things are transient; this year's 'big thing' is next year's gone-by-the-wayside. I just don't believe that if I have a bigger more expensive car than you do that it makes me a more successful person.

I believe I am successful if I am content with my life and am happy with what I have. Yes, there are things I would like to have, but having them isn't going to make me happier. I try to express gratitude every day not only for what I have but also for what I am going to have. And that gratitude includes things that may seem bad at the time. We can never know in advance how life will be; sometimes our lives are better because of little blips along the way. I certainly believe that. I am the person I am because of the sum of my experiences, good and bad, along the way. And I wouldn't change any of it!

So Happy New Year my friends. I hope your New Year is filled with success, however you define it! And may you have good health, good friends, and good cheer!!

Be Yourself

2011-12-08T20:18:00.001-07:00

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Dr. Seuss

'Be yourself' the sages say, but they don't tell you how to be yourself. How can you be yourself if you don't know who you are? I know who I am; I stick to my principles. Sometimes it's hard to remember what they are when the whole world seems to be crumbling around me. And there are some people who make it difficult for me to remember to love the person even when they are being obnoxious. How does one gain self awareness? How can we become who we are supposed to be?

I don't have all the answers; I don't think any one person does. There are enlightened people in this world; they will be the first to tell you they don't have all the answers. I read a lot, consider, revise, discard, read some more, listen to people, talk to them, then make up my own mind about things.

We have forgotten civility - it's been a long time coming. Does anyone else remember a time when we could have discussions, debates, on important issues without resorting to name-calling? Without labeling someone a Nazi or a Communist? We don't respect ourselves, let alone each other. If we have no love nor respect for ourselves, how can we respect and love others?

There are things about myself I don't necessarily like; some I can change, some I can't. I'm short - I can't change that. I'm overweight - I can change that and I am. I hate my hair color - I do change that -regularly. I like my eye color - I don't want to change that. There are personality traits I have that I inherited from my parents; some I like and some I don't. I can rail against my parents for making me who I am or I can act like the grown up person I am and work on changing what I don't like or at least harnessing that trait for positive instead of negative.

I used to worry about what others thought about me; I wanted to be loved by everyone. Then I discovered I was tearing myself apart trying to be all things to all people. I decided that I didn't like everyone I met so why should I expect everyone I met to like me? I began to change. I started the journey to becoming who I am meant to be. It has been a long journey with many detours along the way. And I expect there will be more detours.

There are people in this world who are negative, who are always complaining, as I used to do. Now, I focus on what I want, on what I have, instead of on what I don't have and what I don't want. Although positive thinking wasn't easy at first, I have found that it is now almost second nature; I don't have to think about it most of the time. We can find the positive in every negative if we only look.

Being myself is a lifelong journey. And life itself is a journey; a journey I am enjoying more as I become more who I am.

NaNoWriMo

2011-11-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

I find it hard to believe how long it's been since I posted on my blog! In my defense, I am participating in NaNoWriMo and have been consumed with writing a novel. This is my first time, and I wasn't sure what to expect. And since I have only ever written short stories, I wasn't sure I had a 50,000+ word novel in me. But it seems that I do! I am managing to keep up with the daily word count and am on track to finish on time on Nov 30th or sooner with at least 50,000 words.

It hasn't been easy at times. The first few days I sat staring at a blank screen with no idea where to start. For the month or so leading up to Nov 1st., I had ideas running through my head so fast I couldn't keep up with them. But on Nov 1st. they all seemed to have evaporated into the ether somewhere.

Inspiration finally struck as I pulled out research I had done some 20 years ago with the idea of writing a fact-based novel. And the words flowed so fast it was hard for my fingers to keep up with my brain. One thing that is truly difficult for me is there is no editing allowed. We are supposed to just get the words down; editing will come after November. Now I always edit as I go, so I had to restrain myself several times those first few days. The goal here is to get the 50,000 words.

The discipline of writing every day has been good for me; I know now I can do it. I just have to keep up the writing once the official NaNo is over for this year. There are lots of people who are writing, encouraging, and giving pep talks when someone stumbles or feels like giving up. The Facebook community for the local NaNos is awesome!

I originally planned on keeping a daily journal about the ups and downs of this event, but obviously I didn't. Last weekend, all of my characters were strangely silent, and I didn't progress very far with the story. I was able to go back and fill in lots of descriptions that I hadn't done in my hurry to get everything written. Threatening my characters did seem to help, though. Telling them I would kill them off and find characters who would show up when I needed them seemed to do the trick. I know how strange that sounds, but after all, this is not my story, it is the story my characters want to tell.

As of now, I have written 33,039 words, which means I have 16,961 left to write to meet my goal. Too bad I can't count the words in this blog as part of my total!

Clarity

2011-10-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

Dictionary. com defines clarity as: 1. clearness or lucidity as to perception or understanding; freedom from indistinctness or ambiguity. 2. the state of quality of being clear or transparent to the eye...

The great thing about the English language is that words can mean so many different things to different people. That is also why English is the hardest language to learn. English has its roots in so many different languages, and has evolved over several hundred years, so the true meanings of words have changed to sometimes mean the opposite of what they originally meant. But I digress...

To me, clarity is a quality that is missing in so many people's lives; too many people are so busy trying to keep themselves and their families fed and housed that things of the spirit get lost in the shuffle. And that is a shame. A rewarding spiritual life can make the everyday bearable and even enjoyable.

So what is clarity? To me, it is being able to see my goals clearly; to be able to have a purpose; to do things I enjoy. Of course, there are still days that are 'muddy' in that I seem to just stumble through them with no clear idea of what I'm doing or why, but generally I do know where I want to be and can work on getting there.

Clarity isn't something that just appears one day. It takes work, and solitude, and meditation, and hard thinking. I write to help clear my thoughts and quiet my mind so the still, small, voice can be heard. When I'm writing, everything else disappears. I can sit for hours writing a blog post, a short story, a poem, a novel, a journal entry. Writing is cathartic for me, and for so many others. What I write doesn't have to be good; although I find it hard to just write and not edit as I go - something I have to work on! But writing does help clarify my muddled thinking.

Sometimes it's hard to express in words what I am thinking. Writing helps to clarify; I can write a stream-of-consciousness and then sort it out. If I tried to do that in my brain I would be totally lost and forget a thought I had a nanosecond ago. So I will continue to write for as long as I am able and hope that I can keep my clarity of purpose.

Balance

2011-10-11T19:41:00.001-07:00

Balance permeates our lives: we have darkness so we can appreciate light; we have bad so we can appreciate good. But balance is also how we live. And it is sometimes very difficult to attain balance in what we choose.

We are not just a physical presence in this world. We are mind, body, and spirit. It's important to keep all three in balance. If we focus on strengthening only the body, our minds and spirits will suffer. Focusing only on one or two of these will make the other(s) wither.

There are many ways to keep our bodies and minds active, and it seems we all manage to keep those two going. But what about spirit? What is it and how do we keep it strong?

I am no expert; I can only say what I have learned in my years on this earth. To me, spirit is the very essence of who we are. It is what makes us human. When we neglect our spirit, our body and mind can go downhill quickly. Spirit is a tricky thing, and easy to ignore. We can eat healthy food, stay hydrated, keep our minds active, and yet neglect the spirit.

Where to begin? I try to take time each day to reflect on what I want to accomplish, on what I will do to reach my goal(s) for the day. Some days, one goal is all I can handle! It's important to have time to yourself, even if it's only a few minutes. Each of us must decide for ourselves what we need to do to recharge. For me, it's being in Nature.

I find being outside peaceful and healing. It's a few minutes without distractions; a few minutes to observe how the ants follow a certain trail; how a hawk flaps its wings to stay in the thermals to soar and conserve energy; or how the ground squirrel pokes her head out of her hole to see if all is clear; to stay still and watch the geckos chirp and chase the bugs that gather around the light on the back porch. It is in these quiet moments that I discovered that geckos have voices, that ground squirrels have a vocabulary of calls, that hummingbirds are really quite noisy!

Some days, I hear my mind going constantly; it's hard to turn it off. Being in Nature helps me to focus on what's important to me. There is a beauty in Nature if we take the time to see it.

Abundance

2011-10-10T19:37:00.000-07:00

Abundance. What is it and how can we get it?

Abundance is defined as a very plentiful or more than sufficient quantity; overflowing fullness; affluence or wealth. I like the thought that is is a plentiful or overflowing fullness. We all have an abundance of something. I like to think I have enough of everything.

There was a time when I focused only on what I didn't have; I was very unhappy. I would look at other people and wish I had what they had, whether it was a new car, a big house, more than enough money, or just plain being happy. Over the years, I came to the realization that I was just making myself miserable by comparing my life to anyone else's. I used to be resentful when someone else got their dream job, their perfect mate, a beautiful home.

Eventually I realized I was making myself ill with resentment, literally. I suffered severe depression as a young adult.

Over a period of time, I changed my attitude. It didn't happen overnight; I didn't wake up one morning with a new way of thinking. And there are still times when I catch myself feeling a little bit jealous. But I have discovered I am genuinely happy when good things happen to my friends. And even though times are hard, I have enough money to pay for what I need. I am content with my life.

I have been called a 'pollyanna' by some who don't understand that a positive attitude can make all the difference to how your day goes. Bad things still happen: I have car problems; things go wrong at work or at home; but I don't wallow in what I call the 'why me?' frame of mind as I once used to do. My car breaks down? At least I have a car. Someone at work does something stupid? At least I have a job. Something breaks down at home? At least I have a place to live.

I have dear friends in my life, a partner to share my life with, and two furry children who make me laugh.

I feel so blessed to have such abundance in my life.

Compromise

2011-10-08T20:32:00.000-07:00

Life is about compromise. I'm not talking about compromise as in giving up your dreams; or settling for less; or lowering your standards. Life is a compromise in the sense that in order to get what you want, some other things must be let go. Maybe you didn't get into your first choice college, or get your perfect job on the first try, or find the man of your dreams. Often what we think is second best may be the best thing that ever happened to us.

We learn from experience, and some experiences are terrible as we live through them. But we emerge stronger on the other side. I liken it to crawling through a cold, dark tunnel with no light shining through. As I'm crawling through the mind-numbing darkness, a pinpoint of light appears. It encourages me to keep going. Gradually the pinpoint grows bigger, and bigger, until I emerge into the sunlight. After being in the dark for so long, I am blinded at first. But soon I am reveling in the light and warmth.

This is how I see bad times in my life. I have made compromises; I have had to give up some things to get where I wanted to go. I gave up a marriage to finish my education; I gave up a lucrative job to save my soul; I gave up toxic people in my life to save my sanity. This is what I mean by compromise. In none of these cases did I give up my dream, settle for less, or lower my standards.

The art of compromise involves walking a fine line. Sometimes we have to think about the decision; other times it's a matter of doing what we think is right. What's the worst that can happen if I give up x to pursue y? What if I forego y and stay with x? Sometimes, I have to follow my intuition, my instinct, and it hasn't failed me. The biggest problem I have is with what ifs - what if I had stayed where I was? Would I be better off? If I had stayed in a dead marriage instead of leaving and following my dream, would I be where I am now? But what ifs are counter-productive; they serve no purpose. Where I am is a good place. I won't stay here forever, but for now, this is where I am, and I can only go forward from here; I refuse to go backwards.

Time flies

2011-10-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

It doesn't seem possible that October is here already. Most people are starting to think about cooler weather, if they don't have it already. Here in the Southwest desert, we are having cooler weather; highs are only in the low 90s with nighttime lows in the high 60s.

Fall through Spring is my favorite time here; summer's humidity and storms are behind us and nothing but beautiful weather from now until May!

I do sometimes miss having four seasons; and I sometimes miss green trees and green grass and plants that don't wilt every day. But I wouldn't trade living here for any other climate. There are so many different shades of green here in the desert; from the pale yellow green of the Palo Verde to the dark green of firs and pines.

This is what we call our 'second Spring'. Plants are budding and blooming; butterflies, moths, grasshoppers, crickets, and dragonflies are out in abundance. Plants that only bloom during the monsoon are in full bloom; Texas rain sage, ocotillo, and many others.

Our Easter Lily cactus has had only one bloom so far, but I blame that on the move and the stress it went through while we tried to find the perfect spot for it.

But time is moving way too fast! I need to make the most of it while I can!!

Modern Conveniences

2011-08-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

It was brought home to me yesterday, once again, how much we take for granted in today's world. We had a severe storm come rumbling through; one of our Tucson monsoon storms. At my house, there were hailstones the size of huge garbanzo beans, frightful wind that bent trees almost in half, and then pounding rain, thunder, lightning. Then the power went out. By the time I arrived home from work, the house was hot and sticky, and the power had only been out for an hour! The outside temperature at that point was somewhere in the 90s with humidity in the 80s after the storm. 18 power poles a couple of blocks from my home were snapped by a microburst; yes, 18! There was also an overturned vehicle on the interstate not far from my house, so traffic was backed up for a mile or more on a major street I use to get home; police were out directing traffic at one intersection to try to move traffic through.

So what does one do when there is no electricity? No computers, no TV, no radio, no lights, no AC. Our home faces North, and it was still overcast, so the living room was as dark as if it were 8 or 9 o'clock at night. Navigating furniture when we've only been here a month and aren't exactly sure where everything is is fun in the dark! We did manage to find a couple of flashlights - most of them are still packed - and a candle or two. We sat on the back patio and talked, fixing the world.

We depend on electricity for almost everything and take it for granted that when we flip a switch the light comes on. I have to wonder how people lived out here before electricity and before AC. It gets hot here - often over 100 in the summer - and once the monsoon gets here, the humidity goes up. We are used to humidity of less than 10%, so higher humidity during monsoons feels much worse than it is. Anything over 30% feels yucky, so when it gets to 60% and higher, it feels as if you can cut the air with a knife.

We have also become dependent on TV and the internet for entertainment instead of having conversations, and laughing, and enjoying ourselves with another person.

There are so many other things we take for granted, too many to list here, but I am thankful we had our electricity back after about two hours. I am grateful that there are people working for the power company who get out there at all hours to make sure we have electricity; and I am thankful to the Sheriff's Department for making sure traffic flowed smoothly so I, and everyone else, could get home safely.

Customer Service

2011-08-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

Is there such a thing as customer service any more? In the past month, we have had to call our ISP (who touts customer service in all their ads!) twice for the same issue; both times the tech support was totally useless. Essentially what they said was well we didn't mess it up so we don't have to fix it; it's your problem fix it yourself! Now the problem was that my partner couldn't log in to his email account; one day he could, the next he couldn't. We didn't change anything. In fact, between the time it worked and then didn't, we weren't even on the computer! We fixed the problem ourselves - eventually. And their website is awful; there is a feedback button prominently displayed on their help page - it doesn't work!

I have heard similar complaints from all my friends; items ordered that never arrived, are poor quality, are not what was advertised. And trying to find someone within the company to fix things is impossible. What happened? It used to be that when there was a problem we could call the company and they would make it right. It used to be that the sales staff in a store were there to help; now it seems they are just there to collect a paycheck. The customers are not important enough to please. The only ones who deserve consideration are the top echelon and the stockholders.

Excuse me, Mr. Executives, but without your customers, your million dollar bonuses won't be there. And you stockholders, how about holding companies accountable for taking care of customers? If there are no customers, your dividends will disappear.

I research reviews for any company I have to deal with; and if the reviews are bad I will go elsewhere. Or if the reviews are good, and I am treated badly, I let them know and then I stop shopping there.

Of course, not all companies are like this. There are two that I buy from regularly (neither of them is paying me). Both companies are fantastic in terms of service and speed. New Mexico Soap sells handmade soap and soap-related products. I always receive my order in a couple of days, and there is always lagniappe (a mostly New Orleans tradition of a little something extra). Real Purity sells cosmetics and personal care products. When I had a problem with my PayPal account, they not only called to say my payment was blocked, but shipped my products to me before payment.

So there are companies out there that have good customer service, but not many. It seems the bigger the company, the worse their customer service is. But we can change that by voting with our money - find companies with good customer service and good products and use them; let them know you appreciate their taking good care of their customers; tell your friends about your good experience with them. And also, let companies know if they have treated you badly and tell them you are going elsewhere and will tell all your friends.

Small Steps

2011-07-24T17:02:00.000-07:00

We finally have curtains up; and switch covers; and vents! Woo hoo! Managed to unpack about 5 huge boxes yesterday - 4 of those boxes were books - and found homes for everything in the 5th box. Unpacking books is always an adventure for me; I found books I didn't remember I had and found other books that I have missed - like old friends who are out of touch for a couple of years. Every book had to be examined, inspected, dusted, shaken, and then I had to decide which bookshelf should hold it. Sometimes I had to leaf through the book to my favorite parts, And that's why I only unpacked 5 boxes all day! :)

There are still boxes piled in the dining room, and there are more boxes of books waiting to be opened. We had boxes of stuff in the storage shed for a couple of years, so getting to open them is like a Birthday Party - I never know what's in the next package. But we are making progress. The dogs seem settled into a routine; we are starting to find our way around a new neighborhood; and we are comfortable here even though we've really only been here 2 weeks.

Moving

2011-07-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Both dogs seem to be nicely settled in to our new home. I was concerned about our younger dog, Spud, who has security issues and tends to mark whatever is available when he is stressed. Our older dog, Peanut, was the one who was totally unsettled for a couple of days. But she had lived in the same house for 9 of her 10 years. They are now well settled; they have their doggie door into the back yard; Spud has sniffed and marked every inch of the back yard, including all the trees, bushes, walls, and gate.

The new house is much quieter than the old one; it's not on a major street. Aaah, peace and quiet! Of course, we still have boxes, boxes, and more boxes to unpack. It's amazing how much we accumulated over the years. I probably have some 30 or more boxes of books to unpack. Putting books away always takes me quite a while because I have to inspect each one to make sure there is no mildew or mold, and I have to remember reading the book and pledge to read it again. I can't bear to part with books; they are like old friends to reconnect with over and over again.

The actual moving part was stressful; not just the physical effort of packing and moving, but leaving the home we have shared for over 15 years. There were many memories in that house; of four-legged friends who lived and died there; of the first joy of living together; of visits from family and friends. But we will make new memories here, as soon as everything is unpacked and put away!

Summer in the Desert

2011-06-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Every year around this time, excitement starts building in the desert. The daytime highs are well into the 100s; sometimes 110 or more. Seasoned desert-dwellers start scanning the skies for something other than the deep blue we have almost all year; we're looking for the clouds that signal the monsoon rains are on their way.

The desert is alive, in spite of what some people think. In late April and early May, the stately saguaro cactus flowers. The creamy blooms don't last long but are followed by the bright red fruit.

Image by ArizonaHiking via Flickr

Image by Lon&Queta via Flickr

As the temperatures climb, we know the rains are on their way to cool the parched desert.We scan the skies daily hoping for clouds; we watch as the dewpoint creeps up towards the magic number of 54. But there will be days when the clouds look promising, and nothing happens. It's the big tease before the monsoon finally brings rain. Sometimes, the air is so dry that it rains, but the rain never hits the ground; a phenomenon called virga.

And then the rain comes; pouring, pounding, hitting the ground so hard the raindrops bounce off the hard, dry ground; streets become rivers. There is lightning, thunder, wind that bends trees to the ground. And then, quiet, as the storm rumbles off into the distance. The cool, damp air feels wonderful to people so long deprived of moisture. Steam rises as the sun comes out to once more heat up the air. And then we wait for more.

Image by thapgood via Flickr

Mother's Day Revisited

2011-05-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

This is the piece I wrote for Mother's Day last year. The response was so good I was asked to repost it this year. So here it is:

Today is Mother's Day in the US. It is a day to honor those of us who have children. But all women are mothers in some sense. We are the lifegivers, the caretakers. Let us today honor not only those women who have children, but also those women who create; whether ideas, or products, or services. We are creative and have the power to make our world a better place to live; we are the ones who care for the sick, the lonely, the abandoned, the forgotten; we are the ones who strive for new ways of doing things; we are the ones to change paradigms. We are awesome!

Self Definition

2011-05-07T12:27:00.000-07:00

How do you define yourself? When someone says to you, 'tell me about yourself', do you tell them what you are? Or who you are?

Too often we define ourselves by what we are, by our roles in life; wife, husband, son, daughter, accountant, etc. But this isn't who we are. It isn't easy to define who we are because we are the sum of our experiences, and we all have different experiences. We may have had the same parents and the same upbringing as our sibling(s), but we are distinct personalities and react differently to the same situations. Very often, an interviewer will ask for three adjectives to describe ourselves; how do you respond?

We are not defined by our roles in life or by our jobs. Those who do define themselves by their roles or their careers find themselves floundering when that role or that career changes or is taken away. How often have we heard stories of people who retire and are then dead within a year or two? It may be because those people defined themselves as their job instead of the person they were. Or the parents who suffer depression when the kids leave home - 'empty-nest syndrome' - because their life was devoted to their children.

We all have traits, good or bad, that make us who we are. So who are you?

Childlike wonder

2011-04-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

Do you remember when you were a child and excited about your birthday? Special holidays? Do you remember the sense of wonder you experienced when you saw a flower?

The first time you saw a butterfly?

Do you remember lying in the grass on a warm summer's night and trying to count the stars? Staring at the moon?

Where did that sense of awe and wonder go? As we grew up, we became enmeshed in the competitive world of school and work; finding a mate; marriage; kids; and all that other 'grownup' stuff. I sometimes think we would be better off and live in a more wonderful world if we could recapture that sense of wonder. I know I am awed each spring when the palo verdes begin to bloom; each tree shouts yellow and then the blooms are gone. The cactus plants bloom in vivid reds and yellows attracting even more vividly colored butterflies.

I hope I never lose this sense of awe and wonder that I have re-discovered.

Dogs

2011-04-23T07:37:00.001-07:00

I love dogs; they are like 4-legged furry children. We currently share our home with two. Peanut is a 9-year-old red merle Queensland Heeler. We rescued her when she was 9 months old; her previous owners gave her up but we don't know why. Spud is a 4-year-old black and tan phantom Miniature Poodle. We rescued him when he was 11 months old; his owners moved and left him with a neighbor who turned him in to the Humane Society within 2 days. Both of them came with 'baggage' that we have learned to live with. Peanut comes when we call her but with head down and almost crawling on her belly as if we're going to hit her; Spud is insecure and marked everything when he first came home (he's much better now but still occasionally freaks out and marks something).

Peanut took to Spud right away, even though he bugs the heck out of her. And there are times when she aggravates him. They fight over toys; each one always wants the toy the other one has. And Peanut tattles on Spud when he's outside barking; she comes barreling in the doggie door yipping to let us know Spud is being 'bad'. But she also is very protective of him and will get between him and danger every time. She doesn't like when I bathe or brush Spud because she thinks I'm doing something bad to him.

They keep us entertained when they are playing together; they love to snuggle with each other and with us on the couch or in the bed.

Peanut is a herding dog, and when we had cats she would try to herd them. Now anyone who has been owned by cats knows you can't make a cat do anything it doesn't want to do! But she tried. She also loves to chase toys; we throw and she catches. The only problem is she doesn't want to quit.

Spud is an athlete and loves jumping up and down as if he's on a pogo stick. He can take a flying leap from the bedroom door and land in the middle of the bed; a distance of at least 10 feet. He also loves running circles; from the backyard, into the house, onto the back of the couch, back outside. Peanut just sits and watches as if she can't figure out what he's doing.

I love my dogs!

Bees

2011-03-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

Every day for the last week, I have found dead bees in my backyard: sometimes one; sometimes more. This is disturbing to me. Bee colony collapse disorder has been in the news for a long time, and scientists say they don't know what is causing the bees to die. There have been many theories put forth from the increase in cell phone towers to pesticides to genetically engineered crops. The theories are just that, theories. But what is most disturbing is that bees pollinate the majority of our food crops worldwide, whether it's a big agribusiness farm or the backyard garden.

Image via Wikipedia

I know there are many articles out there on the web about the supposed causes, but here are two links that seem reasonably presented:

Colony collapse

Nature

I am trying to do my part by having plants in my yard that are inviting to bees. There is nothing more comforting to me than the sound of bees on a sunny afternoon. Let's try to find the true cause and fix it before it's too late.

Honoring human beings

2011-03-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

We are living in a 'throw-away' society. At one time, goods were made to last, and the US manufactured items that were well-made. It used to be that a company had loyalty to its employees - they were taken care of, paid well, and at retirement they had a good pension. Times have changed.

Now goods fall apart rather than wear out; people aren't given the respect they deserve; the US doesn't manufacture much any more because companies can get cheap labor overseas. And for those who are employed here, the company has no loyalty to them, unless they are upper management, in which case they can get huge bonuses and stock options, even if the company is losing money.

Many people seem to dismiss other people as not worthy of recognition. And I think this has grown out of the changes in our society over the last 40 or so years. We have become a people that only value those who make a lot of money, or who have a big house, or drive a fancy car, or have the 'right' skin color, or the 'right' documents. People in service occupations: store sales people, wait-staff, garbage collectors, etc. are treated like dirt by some people who use their services. I am embarrassed by what some people say and do to wait-staff and sales associates in store. It doesn't take much to express appreciation for what these people are doing for you - how about just a simple 'Thank you'.

The person who picks up your garbage is just as valuable as the CEO of a national company; maybe more so as what would happen if your garbage didn't get picked up for a few weeks? We tend to look down our noses at those who earn their living by labor rather than brain. How did we get to this point? Is a garbage collector less valuable than an accountant? Is a sales associate in a department store less deserving than the CEO of the company? No! Everyone has a worth, even those who are unemployed, or on welfare, or laboring in the shadows. It's time to get our priorities straight and honor every human being just because they are human. So let's start treating people as if they are valuable members of society; because they are.

Genius

2011-03-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote from Albert Einstein: ‎"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." This quote was sent out by my friend Bonnie who has a wonderful website here: http://www.savoringyoursixties.com/

The quote made me think about what it means to judge others. We all have talents; but we also tend to measure our talents by what talents others have. That is wrong! I used to look at others and wish I had their talents. It took me a long time to realize that mine were just as good as theirs, just different.

We generally tend to see others as either 'like us' or 'unlike us', and those who are unlike are somehow less than we are. I truly believe that everyone has a place in the great scheme of things.

When I was growing up, I was taught that those who had little or no book learning were somehow deficient and to be pitied. My mother often belittled herself because she had to quit school at 14 to take care of her mother who had a heart condition. My dad was an engineer and well-educated; he often made it clear he despised those who were not well-educated. Growing up in this environment, I learned that lots of education was good; lack of it was bad. But my mom had many talents she didn't recognize as such; she was able to stretch money so we were never hungry; she was an accomplished knitter; she was great at decorating our home on a shoestring.

I think of the Welsh miners who were often unschooled yet had beautiful voices, formed choirs, and gave performances that made people cry to hear them. Their harmonies were so pure, and they put their hearts and souls into singing to give joy to others. There are so many examples like this, it would take way too long to write about them all.

The point is, we all have talents that we may not see as important, but they are. Some people are great at organizing, others have creative talents, like my friend Jenna who is a wonderful artist and has a great eye for color, shape, and form. Others I know have the gift of being a great friend.

It is so easy to look at another person and wish we could do what they do. By doing that, we are ignoring our own talents. We each have things we do well and enjoy. Just imagine what the world would be like if we were all equally talented in the same thing! So much would be lost.

Celebrate your gifts!

Rant about clothes

2011-03-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

Why is it that clothes manufacturers can't get their act together enough to make sizes consistent? I used to know what size I wore but not any more. I hate trying on clothes. I used to be able to look at a piece of clothing, check the size, and buy it if I liked it and it was my size. What happened?

I know my body has changed and nothing fits quite right any more. But please, why aren't the sizes consistent?? And what's up with the petite sizes?? They are supposed to be for women 5'4" and under; well, I'm 5'2" and some of the petite pants are a good 4" too long. I can buy my size in one style, but the same size in a different style from the same manufacturer doesn't fit.

And while we're on the subject of clothes, how come the clothes I want to shrink a little won't, and the ones I don't want to shrink, do?

And don't get me started on 'low-rise' pants. Who wants to see my skin? I don't even want to see it, so let's go back to having pants that fit at the waist, not 4" lower than that! Do you know how hard it is to find pants that sit at the waist? Unless they're elastic waist of course, with strings to tighten!

American women like to look good, don't we? How do we get the manufacturers to listen to us older women who want to look good but don't want to look like we're trying to look 20?

And let's not even talk about bras! Underwires that by the end of the day feel like they're cutting off circulation; styles that don't support those of us who need some help in that department, full-coverage bras that don't, straps that either slip down the arm or dig into the shoulders. I think the places that say come in for a free fitting just want you to keep coming back to buy more bras because the ones they sold you don't fit! And the same issue with sizes works with bras - they are not consistent!

And I discovered it's not just me. Here's a couple of links I found:

Disasters

2011-03-14T08:54:00.001-07:00

We seem to be having a lot of disasters lately; earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes, flooding, drought, you name it it has happened in the last year. People tend to become immune after a while to pleas for help or feel helpless that they can't help. But you can help. There are many organizations out there that are sending supplies, people, and money to sites of disasters. There are also scam artists who take advantage of times like these to take your money. So be careful and research the charities you are considering sending your hard-earned money to. My personal favorite is World Care. They are based here in Tucson and have done a lot with little to help others: http://www.worldcare.org/

Some people don't give money because they think they can't give enough to make a difference. But consider this; if 100 people donate $1 each, that's $100; if 1,000 people donate $1, that's $1,000. So please give what you can. Many people giving small amounts can make a huge difference!

Missing grasshopper

2011-03-05T10:42:00.002-07:00

My grasshopper is missing! Now before you think I've gone off the deep end, let me explain:

In late summer, we had a few grasshoppers eating my hibiscus bush. I left them alone as there were less than 10, and the hibiscus has never done well anyway. Some time in late fall, I noticed that there was still one grasshopper left on the bush and I thought nothing of it.

Some time in December, we had a freeze one night, and all the leaves on the hibiscus turned brown and shriveled. A couple of days later, I saw the grasshopper again. Looking closer, I realized that one of its back legs was missing; I thought it might be dead. But when I got too close, the grasshopper took a flying leap onto the ground, which startled me. So I left it alone.

A couple of days later, it was still there and back on the hibiscus. I didn't know what to make of this as I know absolutely nothing about grasshoppers except that they can strip foliage off a plant in a heartbeat. I started paying attention to this little critter. Every time I thought it was dead, it moved to another part of the plant. I can't imagine where this creature was getting food or moisture as the hibiscus leaves were definitely brown and shriveled.

Then we had rain, and wind, and three nights of lows in the teens. I was sure that would have killed off the grasshopper. Nope, still there. Every time I thought it must be dead, it was on a different part of the plant when I checked. I started checking every day to see where it was; it was always on the hibiscus bush, sometimes at the top of the stalk and sometimes lower down. Sometimes it looked like it might be dead as the bright green faded to sort of a greyish-green.

Two days ago, I couldn't find it anywhere on the hibiscus. I eventually found the grasshopper; it had moved over to a sage bush in the next pot. The sage bush is also in bad shape from the deep freeze we had. Yesterday, the grasshopper was still there and looking a little brighter green. Today, the grasshopper is nowhere to be found. I don't know where this little critter ended up, but it sure was persistent!

So this is one mystery I can't solve: why did the grasshopper hang around for so long; and how did it stay alive all this time?

Well, now it's back on the hibiscus! Notice the missing right back leg!!

Information overload

2011-02-26T12:13:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to write for a couple of weeks, but world events have left me too fragmented. So I thought writing on information overload might be good.

Because of the internet, 24-hour news channels, cell phones, etc. we now have instant access to news the minute it happens. That can be a good thing if it's something we need to react to right away. However, most of the news isn't good news. Being constantly barraged by bad news affects us in profound ways. We can become immune to the latest plea for help because of an earthquake, a flood, an uprising, freezing weather, whatever it is. We become fragmented, not knowing what to do or feeling so overwhelmed we do nothing. We become depressed, angry, irritable, and take that out on the first person who says something 'wrong'.

Some people are 'newshounds' and feel totally out of touch if they don't read several news sources every day. They think that they have to stay on top of what's happening so they are prepared for... what? What's the worst that can happen if we don't read the news every day?

I have to admit I'm as guilty as the next person of reading news every day. I don't read as much as I used to because it was affecting my life in negative ways. Now I just scan the headlines and read what interests me, which is often something to do with technology or medicine. I like to keep up with that, but I've been staying away from the other news that is so depressing and makes me angry; political posturing and rhetoric for example.

How about taking a news holiday? Whatever is going on in the world today isn't going to change if we don't read about it. This week's news will be the same next week, next month, next year, with different players. What can it hurt to not pay attention? It might even make you feel better.

When things go wrong

2011-02-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

We are human. When something goes wrong, it isn't long before a whole series of things starts going wrong. Why? Much of it has to do with our mindset. It is so easy to berate ourselves for doing something wrong, and when we focus on what we did wrong, we start to think we can do nothing right. Once we start down that path, more and more things go awry. We get in the habit of doing the same things and expecting to not get it right. Before we know it, we have set ourselves up for failure before even beginning something because we believe we can't do anything right. Sometimes we fail because we take to heart other peoples' criticism of us; we give more weight to someone else's opinions than we do our own. Living your life by someone else's expectations won't work. It is only a matter of time before we become unhappy and angry because we are not living the life we are meant to live.

It isn't easy to break this cycle, but it can be done. We have to tell ourselves that others can't possibly know us as well as we know ourselves. We have to tell ourselves that we are capable of getting it right. We have to tell ourselves that we are strong, and intelligent, and capable of great things, if we will just allow ourselves to ignore the naysayers. Some people take great delight in smashing dreams; ignore them - they are usually unhappy people who can't bear to see others succeed. Don't listen to them; listen to your heart. Let your heart overrule your head; listen to that still, small voice that tells you what you are capable of accomplishing.

We may not always succeed, but failure just tells us to try another way. Giving in to failure tells us we are not worthy. That little voice, our intuition, is almost always right. I have learned this the hard way. Whenever I have listened to that voice, things work out well; whenever I have ignored it, things didn't work out so well. Too often we make decisions out of fear; those kinds of decisions aren't good for us. Fear can be conquered by doing that which we fear the most.

Trust your instincts.

The path not taken

2011-02-02T19:13:00.001-07:00

Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had made different choices in your life? I do. I think about what would have happened if I had married my first love; if I had not married the man I married; if I had turned left instead of right the night I got lost; who I would have met if I hadn't taken that job where I met my current partner. It's sometimes fun to think about or imagine what my life would have been like if I had made different choices.

I'm not unhappy with my life now, I just have a vivid and active imagination and enjoy thinking about different scenarios of what might have happened. I also think about what might have happened if my parents hadn't moved around so much when I was growing up; if my ex and I hadn't moved so much when my kids were growing up. Would I still be living in the town where I was raised? Would I have met and married someone else? Would I have kids? Grandkids? Who would they be instead of the kids and grandkids I have now?

I also think about the effects my choices have had on others as well as on me. If I hadn't been paying attention when the driver in front of me braked for no reason; if I hadn't been at the park the day the dog was lost; if I hadn't seen the guy hitting his kid at the mall; what would have happened? I may never know what effect my choices have had; but I'm glad I'm where I am; that I have the friends I have; the family I have; the job I have; the life I have now.

Life is good.

Insomnia

2011-01-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

Do you ever get the feeling that your brain is racing and won't turn off or shut down so you can sleep? I sometimes suffer from what I call 'butterfly brain' where my thoughts flit here and there and never stay in one place long enough to form a complete sentence. I learned a long time ago that this makes it very hard to go to sleep at night; or I fall asleep and am wide awake just 15 minutes later with my thoughts still racing. So what to do? I hate milk so warm milk is out of the question; reading doesn't work because if what I'm reading is that boring I won't read it; I have been known to stay up half the night reading because I can't put the book down. So here is what works for me:

First, I relax by tightening my muscles starting with my feet and working up, then relaxing them in the same order. Then I imagine a tiny hole in the top of my head and watch all the thoughts fly away. The next thing is to focus on breathing; I count every exhale up to 4 and start over. It is a lesson in mindfulness because if I'm not paying attention, I'm way past 4 and have to start again. It's amazing to me how just focusing on 4 exhales over and over is relaxing. It also takes the focus off the butterfly thoughts.

Usually these techniques work for me. If they don't, there's always that book I want to finish reading!

Things I am grateful for...

2011-01-21T17:55:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for my partner. He and I have been together for more than 15 years. When I think about it, I don't know how or why we clicked; in many ways we are very different. But I think we complement each other. He is smart and funny; logical and creative. He keeps me on track. His strengths are areas where I am weak; my strengths are areas where he is weak. Isn't that amazing?

I am thankful for my sons. In spite of the turmoil when they were growing up; they have turned out wonderfully. Both are married to strong, wonderful women, and have great kids. I don't get to see them often enough as they live at opposite ends of the country. I am proud of them and what they have accomplished in their lives.

I am glad my life hasn't been easy; it has made me who I am today. There were points in my life where I was so down I couldn't tell which way was up. Those down times have made me much more appreciative of where I am now. My life is no bed of roses, but I roll with the punches much better now, and I know that things always get better.

I am grateful that I have a job, a home and a vehicle; for good friends, online and off, who keep me grounded and laugh at my jokes, who kick my butt when I need it, who support me no matter what I do.

Thoughts

2011-01-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

I have started and discarded several blog posts this week but have been unable to complete one; my thoughts are still too scattered after last Saturday's shocks. So I will merely say that I hope all of you tell your family and friends how much they mean to you now. And let us also remember the families of those killed and injured, as well as the family of the shooter. I can't imagine the pain and shock all of those families are feeling right now. And let us also think about what we say before we say it; words can hurt and anger others when they are thoughtlessly thrown out. In other words, be sure your brain is engaged before you put your mouth in gear.

Peace.

New Year

2010-12-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year when people make resolutions to be better in the New Year; lose weight, quit smoking, exercise more, and on and on. How many people actually keep all their resolutions? I suspect that some do, but many fall by the wayside. So this year I'm not making any resolutions. Instead, I am going to pick a few words to live by for the rest of the year.

This isn't my idea; a couple of people I follow have suggested it and I think it's a wonderful idea. So here are my words for the year:

Forgiveness. I will forgive myself when I fall short of my own expectations. I will not berate myself for failing; I am human and am allowed to fall. The trick is to keep getting up and continuing on my way. I will forgive others who hurt me. This doesn't mean it's okay that they hurt me, but that I will not hold a grudge against them. We are all human; we will all hurt someone at some time. Someone who hurts me, intentional or not, will still be my friend, unless s/he makes a habit of it then s/he is gone. I will forgive and not hold a grudge, but that person is out of my life.

Gratitude. I will be grateful for every day, for every disaster I experience, for every blessing I receive, for everyone in my life. No matter what happens, I will express my gratitude to others, to myself, and to the Universe and the Creator.

Patience. I will be patient with myself and with others. I will not hold people to my standards unless I am sure they can meet or exceed them.

Encouragement. I will use my daily affirmations to encourage not only myself but also others. I will encourage others to reach their full potential by helping them realize how much they are capable of doing.

Focus. I will keep my focus on the positive things and not the negative. I will not dwell on the bad things that happen because that will only invite more negatives into my life. By keeping my focus positive, I will attract more positives into my life.

Self Worth

2010-12-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

Are you your own best friend? If not, why not? We tend to go through life looking for validation from others; only when others like us or compliment us do we feel worthwhile. If this is you, perhaps you need to change how you think about yourself. I know many people in less than ideal circumstances who love themselves; and I know people with all the advantages in the world who hate themselves. So circumstances don't always affect how we view ourselves. So what is it that makes someone comfortable in his/her own skin?

For a long time, I was the community doormat - really. I tried to please everyone so they would like me; whatever they wanted, I would do. I was in my 40s before I woke up and realized I was exhausted, depressed, and so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I allowed people to treat me as if I were their servant; and because I had no self-esteem, nobody else thought I was worth anything, either.

Change came slowly over several years, and it wasn't easy. I went to college for the first time at 39, in spite of those who told me I was stupid for wasting my time on education and that I was too old to go to college. Well, guess what, I wasn't stupid and I wasn't too old. I earned my AA while going to school full time and working full time. I loved school and learning! So I decided to keep going; I earned a BA 3 years later. And that's how I ended up in Arizona, alone, not knowing anyone, and starting graduate school, at the ripe old age of 44. I earned my MA two years later and haven't looked back. Oh, there are still times when the self doubts kick in, but they no longer have power over me and my attitude. When I start doubting myself, I bring out my accomplishment list, and it's a long one. It covers everything from raising two wonderful sons to being a good mentor to others; from being a good nurse in my first career to being a decent human being who loves helping others.

It is difficult, still, to toot my own horn. But if I don't do it, who will? And if I don't take care of me first, how can I take care of anyone else? I still have difficulty accepting compliments, but I have learned to just say 'thank you' instead of being self-deprecating. I have my affirmations and accomplishments to look at when I start being down on myself. And yes, I am my own best friend.

I no longer think that doing things I want or need to do is selfish; I am just taking care of me; I am just recharging my batteries. I will never, ever, be someone's doormat again!

Helpful Hints

2010-12-20T13:44:00.001-07:00

Applying liquid foundation with a damp (makeup) sponge evens out the coverage and gives a sheerer, more flawless finish. And don't forget to blend all the way down and under the chin onto the neck; nothing looks worse than having your foundation obviously end above your neck!

If your eyelashes are thin to nonexistent, here's how to make them look thicker: apply a coat on the top of your upper lashes; then apply to the underside of the upper lashes by gently working the applicator side to side as you slide it from the base to the outer tips of the lashes. To make the lower lashes stand out without clumping, lightly brush the applicator along the edges of the lashes only.

When applying blush, blend it outwards and upwards along your temples to the eyebrows. Apply a light dusting on your forehead at the hairline, down the nose, and on the chin. This gives your face a glow without being obvious.

Need to get that last bit of lotion or anything else out of the bottle? If it's a plastic bottle or tube, make sure all the contents are at the opening by turning the container upside down for a while. Then cut the tube or bottle at about the half way mark. You can then reach whatever is left inside. To prevent the contents drying out, either place in a ziplock bag or cover securely with foil. It the container is glass, you can use orange sticks to scoop out most of what's left inside.

Instead of buying an expensive eyebrow brush, use an old toothbrush (after cleaning it, of course!) Brush eyebrows up and then lightly run the brush along the top of the brow - this actually makes your eyebrows look fuller. Of course, if you already have thick eyebrows, just brushing them from the inner to the outer edge is probably fine.

Not sure where to pluck your eyebrows? Take an orange stick, lip liner pencil, or something similar and place it alongside your nose pointing upward; where the stick hits your eyebrow should be the inner edge of your brow - pluck hairs only on the nose side of the stick. Now take the stick and angle it out to the edge of your eye - this should be the outer edge of your eyebrow so pluck only the hairs past the outer edge of the stick. The arch of your brow should be right above the pupil of your eye when you're looking straight ahead. Want pictures? See: http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/12/16/how-to-pluck-your-eyebrows/

For thin eyebrows, use eyeshadow that's a shade or two lighter than your brows and a stiff, slanted brush. Use short light strokes to fill in.

If you have an article of clothing that's wrinkled, and you don't want to drag out the iron, toss it in the dryer with a damp towel for a couple of minutes.

Clean your hairbrushes and combs monthly by removing all the hair then soak the brushes and combs in water with a little added shampoo. You can use a nailbrush to clean combs and some hairbrushes; or drag out an old toothbrush. And speaking of toothbrushes, how often do you clean them? They can be soaked in a peroxide solution.

Makeup brushes and applicators should be washed weekly. I've found the best thing to use is a mild shampoo. Always hold the brushes with the bristles down; if water gets down inside the handle, the glue that holds the bristle in can dissolve. Use your hands to gently apply the shampoo and work into the bristles, rinse, and repeat as necessary until the rinse water is clear. Dry the brushes by putting them on a paper towel; always dry flat so water doesn't get into the handle.

And speaking of cleaning things, small, hard-to-reach nooks and crannies can be cleaned with a Q-tip dipped in peroxide, just make sure the place you're cleaning is color safe as peroxide can bleach some items (remember the term peroxide blonde??)

Do you have some tips you'd like to share?

Life can be overwhelming

2010-12-12T11:30:00.001-07:00

Life can be overwhelming. There are so many things I want to do that are pushed out by the things I have to do. I love to write, to take pictures, to be out in Nature. But the dogs have to be fed; the bed must be made; the laundry must be done; and on and on. I have a full-time job a part-time job, a home, two dogs, a partner, a yard. And there never seems to be enough time.

But today I realized something: when there is so much to do it's too easy to decide to do nothing because so much to do can be overwhelming. Doing nothing is a choice that I sometimes make and then beat myself up for all the things I should have been doing.

I work because I'm not rich (not even close) so bills must be paid, and we need heat and light and air conditioning, and food, and water.

So today I made the conscious decision that I am going to focus more on the things I want to do. The things I have to do will still be there. And how important is it that the bed is made every day? Of course some things can't be neglected, but those that can will be. Living things will take priority from now on, and that includes me - at the top of the list.

Fitting in - or not.

2010-12-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

For most of my life I felt that I didn't fit in. I was smarter than the average girl allowed herself to be and wasn't afraid to show it. I loved math and science, and arts and languages, and music and art, and history and geography. And this was in the early 60s when it was thought that girls couldn't do math and science and shouldn't do it anyway, because women were supposed to be wives and mothers. The educational system in the UK decreed that everyone take an exam at 11 to get 'sorted' into academic or vocational schools; I went to an academic high school. The only problem was that after two years of taking every subject, we had to pick either arts or sciences. My dad went to bat for me and I was able to take a combination - probably the only person in the school to do that.

Senior year in high school, all my classmates had their plans made; I had no idea what I wanted to do. My mom convinced me I had always wanted to be a nurse, and since I didn't have any better ideas, and since I won a small scholarship, I went to nursing school.

I worked in nursing for about 20 years. I was miserable almost the whole time. I would get bored with what I was doing and bounced around from specialty to specialty spending a year or two at a time in one area. But after 20 years, I was totally burned out. Still not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up, I meandered into accounting. It was difficult to find a job because nobody would believe I wanted to leave nursing. I was fortunate enough to land a job, with some pull from someone I knew who believed in me.

My employer paid for me to take a couple of computer classes in the late 80s, and I came alive. I took more classes, and 7 years later had earned an MA. So then I was the proud owner of an AA in Business, a BA in English with a minor in Geology, and an MA in American Indian Studies. So now what? Are we seeing a pattern here? The first job I found was in - Accounting - where I've been ever since.

But there's more to the story. I discovered that once I learned the job and knew everything I needed to know, I was bored. Excruciatingly bored. And it usually took anywhere from one to two years.

Then I found a book; a magical book; that changed my life. I discovered that what I thought was my inability to stick to anything had a name, and it didn't mean there was something wrong with me! I am a Scanner and the book is Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher. Other people have called us Renaissance Persons, dilettantes, jills-of-all-trades. We have many names, but there is nothing wrong with us. Our brains just work a little differently; we learn what we need or want to learn and move on.

Phew! That's a lot of information. More later.

Distractions

2010-12-05T14:30:00.000-07:00

There are times when I can't wait to sit down and write because the ideas come pouring out of my brain faster than my fingers can type. There are other times when I can stare at the blank screen for a long time and welcome any distraction to get up. Like now when I hear the washer beeping that the cycle is done. And now the dogs are barking so I have to go see who is walking past the house - it could have been someone sinister instead of the couple walking their dogs on the other side of the street. And now the dryer is beeping, so I have to go get the clothes out and hang them up or they will wrinkle.

And there's the tone that tells me I have a new email message; and now there's a new tweet to read; and here comes a Facebook response to something I wrote.

My partner needs help figuring out something on the computer. And the dogs are barking again; this time it's someone walking to the bus stop, but they are on our side of the street this time.

It's a wonder anything gets done around here!

Death

2010-11-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

Recently, several people I know have had someone close to them die. It is never easy to deal with the death of a loved one. I don't believe that those who die are ever really gone as long as there is someone who remembers them.

I don't see death as an ending but a beginning. Not in the sense of an 'afterlife' perhaps, but in the sense that the soul lives on. I agree with certain Native American cultures that believe the soul has many lives, and the soul chooses the life it will live, knowing full well what will happen to it in that life. However, at the moment of birth, that foreknowledge disappears. We may have glimpses of what we were told, intuition, deja vu, call it what you will. When someone close to me dies, after the grief has spent its first storm, I start to wonder what that person's next life will be like; will I meet that person again and will I know who he or she is? Have you ever met someone who 'clicks with you right away? Who makes you feel you have known each other for ever? Maybe you have.
Death is all around us. Anyone who enjoys Nature knows that. Everything dies eventually, even mountains. But when plants die, they leave behind something of themselves, seeds, to live again. When a tree dies, it has left behind children that are probably already growing somewhere from seeds scattered by birds, the wind, other animals. When a mountain dies, it is washed to the sea and reborn as sand on some foreign shore perhaps. It is a never-ending cycle.

The soul is only in this earthly body for a short time. And when we die, our soul doesn't die, just the body, the shell, that is no longer inhabited by the soul. So do animals have souls? I believe they do. Can you look into the eyes of a dog and tell me there is no soul there? If the Creator made everything before she made human beings, who is to say that plants and animals aren't imbued with some sort of soul. It may not be a soul like we have; it may be something different; but nevertheless, it is still like the soul in that it is a living essence, an indescribable something.

We can die at any time; we won't know where or when or how. We can lose someone we love at any time and not know where, when, or how. Life is short, for all of us. Eulogies are beautiful things; but how about letting the people we love know that we love them now; after they're dead is too late. And we can take comfort in the fact that the soul never dies.

Death is at once
The end of the body's
Old journey
And the beginning of the soul's
New journey.

~~~~

Death is not the end.
Death can never be the end.
Death is the road.
Life is the traveller.
The soul is the guide.

Sri Chinmoy

Respect

2010-11-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Respect is something we all want, but what exactly is it? It is the need to be treated like a human being; to be given consideration; to be validated for who we are. If this is something we want, why do we persist in denying it to others?

We may disagree with the opinions of others, but we do not have to denigrate them or call them names. Starting down the path to viewing others as not human beings leads to at best, prejudice; at worst, genocide. Saying that a group is less than human is what led to the Holocaust, Jim Crow laws, denying citizenship to Native Americans, 'ethnic cleansing'. Think about it.

When we dehumanize any group of people, it is so much easier to believe they don't count so we don't have to listen to them, don't have to grant them human rights, don't have to call them by their given names; we can lump them altogether in one group and give them a name that is hurtful. We do the same when we discount someone else's opinion because it doesn't match ours. Isn't it easier to blow someone off if we can say they are less than we are? That we are more important than they are? That they don't agree with us so they must be stupid? Anti-American? Communist? Socialist? Fascist?

We can respect a person without agreeing with his/her opinions. Respect is something that all human beings deserve. Remember growing up when you were taught not to disrespect your elders, teachers, anyone in authority? Where did that go? How did it become okay to belittle those who are different than we are?

If we are not respecting others, I can only assume that we don't respect ourselves, either. If we can be so easily swayed by the people we choose to associate with, perhaps we need to bolster our own self-respect; and perhaps start associating with a different group of people. We are human beings; we are worthy of respect; we owe respect to other human beings.

I'm sure there are people who may not deserve respect as human beings, but I have never met one. All life is sacred; it isn't up to us to decide who lives and who dies.

“Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.” - J.R.R. Tolkien

World wonders

2010-11-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

We have forgotten how to slow down; we have forgotten the wonder of a child seeing the world with new eyes. The world is full of wonders if we only take the time to see them. We don't even have to go searching for them; they are all around us. Consider how a tree goes; it has been said that every leaf is situated perfectly so that it doesn't shade another leaf and no other leaf shades it; all of the leaves are in the sunlight. I find that amazing!

Have you ever watched a bird fly? Each bird seems to have it's own way of flying: the sparrow flaps its wings in spurts; the finches fold their wings against their body, fall a few inches, flap some more and rise, fold their wings and fall and on and on. Their flight looks like a giant sine wave. Hawks flap lazily until they hit a thermal and then soar effortlessly. Hummingbirds hover, can fly up, down and backwards.

Butterflies come in so many sizes, colors, patterns, you would have to be an expert to identify them all. Then there's the sphinx moth that looks and flies like a miniature hummingbird. I remember the first time I saw one; I was so entranced watching it and then had to go look it up to see what it was!

Then there's the flowers! We have wildflowers in a couple of beds in the front yard. I planted the seeds about 4 or 5 years ago, yet they continue to reseed and grown year after year. We scattered bulbs in various places about 10 years ago - so long ago we forgot where they were until spring when they sprout and grow and flower. Isn't that amazing!!

Trees are just as amazing - I have seen little trees sprouting out of cracks in the sidewalk or out of the side of a mountain where no crack is visible. And there are so many shades of green here - who knew there were an infinite number of greens? In spring, when things start waking up after winter (and here that means Feb or March) the variety of shades of green is mind-boggling.

Since living in the desert, I have learned that most of the flora and fauna have adapted in unique ways to living in the hot, dry, climate. The jackrabbit has huge ears that are riddled with blood vessels that serve as air conditioning. Other mammals stay in burrows during the day and are only out to forage early mornings and late evenings. And how do the birds manage to perch on the prickly cactus without getting spines in their feet! The toads only come out to sing in the spring after a rain; the rest of the time they stay hidden in their holes in the riverbank. Tarantulas, too, mostly only come out after a rain.

Yes, we live in an amazing world and I thank the Creator every day for allowing me to see and hear all this wonderful world has to offer.

Words of wisdom?

2010-11-11T18:19:00.000-07:00

Here are a few random things I have learned over the years:

Just because a car has its turn signal on doesn't mean it's going to turn; just because the turn signal isn't on doesn't mean it won't.

People who fall on hard times do one of two things; they either give up or fight.

Being kind is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.

The older you get, the easier it is to speak your mind.

It's no fun being around people with closed minds.

Laughter is the best exercise for body, mind, and soul.

Wearing a smile does more for your looks than wearing makeup.

Inner beauty is more lasting and more important than outer beauty.

Freedom and liberty are not the same thing.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.

You can't have freedom and security - pick one.

It's becoming harder and harder to have a rational discussion with someone whose mind is made up.

A day without laughter is like a day without sunshine.

Gratitude shouldn't just be for the good things in life; we should be grateful for the bad, too, because those are the times that refine us and make us think about who we are and what is important to us.

Diversity

2010-11-06T16:40:00.000-07:00

Imagine if there were no mountains, no hills, only flat land; only one type of tree, only one color of flower. Imagine if all people had the same eye color, same hair color, same skin color, spoke the same language.

Fortunately, there are almost infinite varieties of landscapes, trees, flowers, people, languages. Each of us is unique. No-one else has my combination of physical attributes and my combination of experiences that make me who I am today and the exact same opinions and knowledge that I do. Isn't that wonderful?

If everyone were the same, it would be like living in a gray world or like watching TV in black and white. It would be like looking out my window and seeing no mountains, no blue sky, no fifty shades of green in the trees alone. I wouldn't want to live in a world like that. I love the diversity in this one. I like having color in my life. I like having a diverse group of friends in my life who keep me thinking, and discussing, and talking about anything and everything.

How about you?

Self-reliance

2010-10-30T17:05:00.000-07:00

I read something interesting yesterday: that depending on others too much can make us vulnerable. I thought about this and decided this is probably true. Sharing responsibility with others can be a good thing, and relying on someone else can be a comfort. But we are the only ones responsible for us. I am responsible for myself.

When we depend on others, it is too easy to let them make decisions for us and then blame them if it doesn't work out. We need to be able to flex our mental muscles by reasoning, weighing decisions, learning new things. Muscles become stronger with use; muscles unused become flabby and start wasting away. The same can happen to our brains, minds, thinking processes. We have to make our own decisions, and yes, deciding not to decide is a decision.

We are all part of the world, but we are also the only ones we can ultimately depend on; we learn, we reason, we decide. Having a good friend is a wonderful thing, as long as we use her only as a sounding board and do not allow her to make the decision for us. And if she is truly a good friend, she will ask questions, make comments, and help you make your own decision but will not make it for you.

Courage

2010-10-24T07:51:00.000-07:00

The word 'courage' brings visions of someone rushing into a burning building to rescue someone stuck inside. Or people acting heroically during a disaster of some sort. But we all have courage every day. It takes courage to go about our daily lives and do everything that needs to be done. It takes courage to stand up to injustice whenever we see it, even if it is just correcting someone's misconceptions. It takes courage to keep going when times are tough and to have faith that things will be better. And it takes courage to swim upstream when everyone else is going with the flow.

Courage isn't something we think of on a daily basis. But we should. Do you know someone who keeps going in the face of overwhelming odds? Someone who takes on the daily care of a family member who is ill or infirm? A person who takes in her grandchildren whose parents are incapacitated in some way? The family down the block who quietly help their neighbors without fanfare? These are all courageous people.

Sometimes it takes courage to say 'no' to someone to whom you have always said 'yes'. We all have those people in our lives; the ones who won't take no for an answer; the ones who abuse us physically, mentally, verbally; those who take advantage of our good nature. Saying 'no' is not bad. Only you can know whether you are acquiescing to keep the peace when you really want to run in the other direction. If your mental health depends on your saying 'no' then gather up the courage you need and say 'no'.

Celebrate your courage today and those people you know who are quietly courageous every day.

Silence

2010-10-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

Is there ever true silence? We are bombarded by noise all day every day - noise pollution - and it affects our daily lives in profound ways. If it isn't the traffic, it's planes, trains, power tools, people on cell phones, radio, TV, the list is almost endless.

When I was younger, noise didn't bother me. I could do my homework or read a book in front of the TV or with the radio on and be totally oblivious to the noise around me. Now, I am so much more easily distracted by the least little noise; dogs barking, cars going by, my neighbor's lawnmower. I cherish early Sunday mornings when there is no traffic noise for minutes at a time and the only sounds are the birds greeting the sunrise.

I sleep with a humidifier on, which also helps block the outside noises. If I'm home during the day, I have the radio on or my iPod is playing, which helps cut down on outside noise. But it's almost impossible to have total quiet in town. I work at an animal shelter, so there are dogs barking and yapping all day long. Our home is close to the flight path for both the airport and the Air Force base - there is nowhere in town that is immune to noise from planes.

Now that summer is over, finally, I look forward to spending more time out in the desert where the quiet can heal and calm.

Imagine

2010-10-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

John Lennon created a furor when this song came out, but if you pay attention to the lyrics, all he is saying is we are all one.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
- John Lennon

Discrimination and prejudice

2010-09-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

With all the hate-filled rhetoric filling the airwaves this week, I found myself thinking about prejudice and hate and bias and discrimination. I grew up with extremely prejudiced parents; and I have my own biases because of them. But I have spent a large part of my adult life fighting against my own prejudices. I don't subscribe to the mindset that people should be treated differently because their skin is a different color; their religion isn't the same as mine; their culture does things I don't agree with. But it's a daily struggle. I know people who will take the actions of a few to represent the whole religion/culture and tar everyone with that same brush. And I think that's wrong. Imagine if all Christians were thought to be like Fred Phelps or Terry Jones. (And there are some who think that!) Is this how we want Christians to be seen?

When I was growing up, I heard my parents belittling recent immigrants who lived across the street from us. According to my mother, they lived 20 people to an apartment and ate cat food. To my young, impressionable mind, that was disgusting. Later in life I discovered they had that many people living together because that's what they were used to, and they didn't know there was any other way to live. And because people didn't want to rent to them because they were different. And because they were saving money to start businesses where they all worked together as a family. I might not agree with some of the tenets of their religion, but I admire the fact that they were willing to make sacrifices to get what they wanted.

I believe there is good in everyone. Sometimes we don't see it, or don't want to see it, because we are blinded by prejudice.

We hate some persons because we do not know them; and will not know them because we hate them. ~Charles Caleb Colton

Choice

2010-09-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

We always have choices. We may not like what they are, but they are our choices regardless. Sometimes, it's a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea, but it's still a choice. I hear people moaning about how they had no choice, and I want to shake them and tell them to wake up. Here's an example:

Suppose I hate my job. I would love to quit but think I have no choice but to keep working. But that is wrong. I can choose to keep working at this job because it means I can eat and have a roof over my head; I can quit my job and perhaps lose my home; I can find another job that I like better (or hate less!) There are probably other options besides these three.

We make choices every day; what to eat, what to wear, whether or not to respond to an email or voice mail and how to respond. Some are conscious decisions; others we make without thinking about it. Doing nothing at all is also a choice. Sometimes we feel so paralyzed by the options available that we choose to do nothing.

Joyce Sequichie Hifler said: "If we don't choose what we want in our lives, then life will decide for us." It is up to us whether we will just roll with whatever comes our way or fight for what we want out of life. We don't have to agree with everything we see and hear; we must think and act for ourselves, for what we want out of life. There is always a choice.

On Friendship

2010-08-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

Do you have fair-weather friends? Are you a fair-weather friend? A fair-weather friend is one who disappears when you really need her; one who is suddenly too busy when you have money or relationship problems. A true friend will hold your hand when your husband is unfaithful; will buy you lunch when you are broke; will let you sleep on her couch when you get evicted. She will listen without judgment when you admit your latest downfall; hug you close and supply tissues when life gets you down. She will give you critical feedback on your resume when you have lost your job, and send you leads from everyone she knows. If there is a death in the family, a true friend is the one who shows up at the door to iron your clothes and polish your shoes; to take care of your kids while you take some time out in a hot bath to compose yourself. True friends are hard to find, so if you have one, call her and let her know how much she means to you. If you are a true friend, give yourself a big hug; you are a gem.

Attitude again

2010-08-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

How did you get to where you are today? Would you be who you are today if all your experiences had been positive? It has been said that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger (Friedrich Nietzsche) but is that really true?

I know that I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for the experiences I have encountered in my life, good and bad. I truly believe that, as Dolly Parton said, if you want to have the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. Life is a journey through good times and bad. If we don't have the darkness, we don't appreciate the light. And just because we have light, doesn't mean that darkness doesn't exist; just because we have food doesn't mean there isn't hunger in the world.

We can't expect to only have good times or only have bad times. We have to believe that the bad times will end; that the good times may be fleeting but we must enjoy them. All of us experience events differently; what may be good for one may be bad for someone else. We cannot judge what someone else feels by how we feel about the same thing. Our experiences are different; our emotional makeup is different; we are unique. So how do some people survive horrendous events and others don't? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know that our attitude has a huge influence on how we view events. I have seen people devastated by divorce who spend the rest of their lives angry and resentful. I have seen others who use the experience as a stepping stone to a better life.

I try to put a positive spin on everything (like Pollyanna??) but I believe that in the long run, it serves me well.

Civility

2010-08-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

When did civility and manners disappear from our lives? I can remember a time when people could sit and discuss their differences without resorting to name calling, or refusing to listen to what another person had to say, or telling someone they were wrong just because they didn't agree with one's own beliefs and opinions. I mourn for the death of civility and manners.

People seem to be so polarized that they won't read, or listen to, a different point of view. Is it the proliferation of talk radio? Is it the fact that anyone can post on a web site and gain a following? Is it because the political arena has become so mean and nasty? Is it because the far right and the far left are gaining most of the attention?

I don't have the answers. All I know is that things are so twisted that it's impossible to have a rational conversation about much of anything any more. People are angry, and rightfully so, but I think a lot of the anger is being misdirected. And there are people out there who are taking advantage of the anger by directing their followers to hate anybody who disagrees with them. Why?

Religion is also playing a big part in the hate and anger. For example, in a few communities where Muslims have been living for years, the townspeople are up in arms because they want to build a new mosque. I don't know a lot about Islam, but I do know that it, like Christianity or Judaism, can be perverted into extremism. There are people of all faiths who will take to the extremes, or focus on only one part of their religion's sacred text to justify what they do. Should we hate all Baptists because Fred Phelps is an extremist? Should we hate all Muslims because a few hate us? Should we hate all Jews because Jesus was spurned by them? We live in a country where we are free to practice any religion or none, so why are we against all non-Christians?

I think much of the hate comes from ignorance of what we hate; and it comes from misguided people whipping others into a frenzy; the mob mentality, if you will.

I don't remember hearing hate taught in Church when I was growing up. I don't remember hate being taught in Sunday School. I do remember being taught to love all of God's children, whether they were Christian or not. Where did that go?

Music

2010-08-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

I love music; it can match my mood or change it depending on what I'm listening to. It can also calm me and distract me; make me laugh and make me cry. I listen to a lot of different music from classical to rock to reggae to jazz, folk, and bluegrass. There are times I want to listen to something in particular; there are other times I enjoy putting my iPod on shuffle and just listening to whatever comes up. William Congreve, in his poem The Mourning Bride, written in 1697, said: "Music has charms to soothe a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." (Often misquoted as to soothe a savage beast!)

In movies, the music can signal what is coming - the rising crescendo in a horror movie for example, or the plaintive melody that accompanies a sad ending. These same pieces of music can affect us whenever we hear them, perhaps calling to mind the particular scene in the movie. Or perhaps we can hear a song that reminds us of what we were doing when we heard it. Or perhaps the song just moves us in a particular way. My most favorite song of all time is "Unchained Melody", but only when sung by the Righteous Brothers; any other rendition doesn't move me like their version of it.

My favorite blue-mood music is Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture. But again there are several different versions of this piece; my favorite has real bells and cannon. Somehow, the electronic simulations of bells and cannon take away from the piece. One of my favorite memories of the 1812 is attending a Fourth of July concert on the levee in Baton Rouge when the kids were young. The Baton Rouge Symphony Orchestra played perfectly; the bells and cannon were perfectly synchronized. I remember getting goose bumps and tearing up at the perfection of the piece. I still listen to the 1812 if I am particularly depressed and need some uplifting.

My tastes in music are admittedly eclectic; I love hearing new artists and new pieces. I may not like them, but at least I gave them a try. Life is sort of like that; unless we venture out into uncharted waters, how do we know what we will like? I know too many people who just say, 'Oh, I wouldn't like that'! How do they know unless they try? I think their minds are closed to new experiences; they prefer to stay where they are and be 'safe'. How boring that would be for me!

What do you worry about?

2010-07-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

Are you a worrier? What do you worry about? As I have gotten older, I find myself worrying more. Perhaps that's because I know more and understand what can happen? I don't know. But when I find myself worrying about what might or might not happen, I ask myself two questions.

First, I ask if it's something I can control. Often it's something I can't control. I can't control what other people do; I can't control what companies or the weather do; I can only control how I react to whatever it is and how I let myself be affected by it. So if I have no control, why waste energy worrying about it?

Second, I ask if it will matter five years from now. Usually I decide that in five years, this incident will not matter at all in the grand scheme of things, so again, why waste energy worrying about it?

There are a lot of things in life we can't control; there are some things we can. I live by the maxim of expect the best but plan for the worst. But I no longer spend time and energy worrying about what might happen if it's something I can't control.

Take care of the small stuff

2010-07-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

There is an old English rhyme that goes like this:

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

The rhyme has been around in one form or another since the 14th Century. Since then, there have been several variations on the same theme: because something small was left undone, something big was lost.

We don't go through life thinking of every possible consequence of our actions; we would never get anything done if we did! But we can take care of the small things before they escalate into big things. It could be something as simple as calling a friend or family member you've had an argument with to apologize; that person could be your lifesaver in the future - do you want to take that risk? It could be as simple as routine maintenance on your vehicle so you're not left stranded somewhere with a major problem. In these hard economic times, it can be so easy to let things go and hope for the best. If you think about it, there are lots of examples.

So take care of the small stuff now; before it's too late.

Comparisons

2010-06-26T11:39:00.001-07:00

Do you compare yourself to other people? Do you wistfully gaze at the perfect body and wish it were yours? Do you envy people with curly/straight/thick/long/short hair and wish yours looked like that? Do you pine for the job your neighbor has because of the pay/perks/travel? I think all of us want what we don't have, but it's time we appreciated ourselves and what we do have. Each one of us is unique. We each have our own set of physical attributes and talents, and nobody else in the whole world has the exact same set of attributes we have. There is probably someone out there who is envying you and what you have.

It has taken me a long time to be at peace with who I am and with my own set of unique traits and abilities. I still sometimes catch myself admiring someone else and starting to wish I was like that, but then I remember that no matter what someone else may have that I don't, I have a lot to be thankful for, and I know there are people who appreciate my talents because they have told me.

So today, instead of wishing for what others have, tell them what it is that you admire about them. Be content with who and what you are; and if there are things you don't like about yourself, either change them or accept them.

Musings on Compassion

2010-06-23T18:28:00.001-07:00

When I was 20 and newly graduated from Nursing School, I went to work at a State Psychiatric Facility in New Jersey. After a brief orientation, I was put in charge of the evening shift (3pm to 11pm) in the acute admissions ward. Besides myself, there was one technician to give medications, four other aides, and upwards of 90 patients. The ward was segregated with one wing for women and one for men. Each wing had a 'locked unit' for the more disturbed patients who were mostly locked in a room all day and all night. There was also a lock on the door to the rest of the wing so when these patients were let out of their rooms, they were still locked away from the rest of the population. Being the compassionate person that I was back then, I would spend most of my time with those in the 'locked units'.

One evening, I was spending time with a 16-year old who was in the locked unit. He had been admitted for observation and was said to have violent tendencies. He had been in the unit for maybe a week and had shown no violence. I had taken him out of his room and we were walking down the hall to the dayroom. Without warning, he grabbed me around the neck and dragged me out of sight of the nurses' station into the dayroom. I don't remember how long we were in there, but I do remember staying calm and explaining to him, over and over, why what he was doing wasn't a good idea. I was finally able to convince him to let me go and I locked him back in his room.

Once out in the nurses' station, I started shaking uncontrollably. A couple of the aides came in and asked what was wrong. When I told them, they wanted to punish the patient in some way, and once again, I was spending time convincing someone that what they wanted to do was not a good idea.

The next evening, I went back to the patient to spend time with him again and acted as if nothing had happened; he never tried it again and was gone a few days later.

I was thinking about this incident today and wondering if I was still the same person I was back then; I think I am in many respects. I am still compassionate in spite of all the people who have hurt me, physically, mentally, and emotionally, over the course of my lifetime. It would have been so easy to become jaded and close myself off to the rest of the world, but how much I would have lost! So no matter how much you have been hurt by others, you are hurting yourself more by becoming callous and putting up walls. I see so many people every day who I can only describe as the walking wounded. They have no joy in life; they are angry at the world. I feel so fortunate that I am not one of them.

Summer

2010-06-20T11:59:00.001-07:00

Different parts of the world have different indications that summer has arrived, apart from the heat. Here in the desert Southwest we have our own interpretations. For me, it is much more than the 100+ temperatures and the lack of humidity.

It's summer when the lows stay above 70; when the cicadas are going full throttle day in and day out; when we start getting excited at every cloud that appears over the mountains, no matter how small the cloud; when we feel the humidity inching into double digits; when you don't dare wear dangly metal earrings when getting into a car that's been sitting in the sun all day; when parking in the shade is much more important than getting a spot right by the door.

The cicadas have been gearing up for a couple of weeks now. There were a few tentative buzzes here and there. Yesterday, practice was over, and the buzzing was non-stop all afternoon. After being outside and listening to that racket, the silence is deafening inside the house, even with Pink Floyd at full volume. But the temperatures have been going down as low as 69 at night, so it's not quite here yet. My dangly metal earrings are all safely put away until October or November when there will be no danger of burns on my neck. There are a few tiny, cotton-ball-size clouds over the mountains, but the humidity is still only somewhere around 5-7%.

I can feel the anticipation, and the complaints about how hot it is have been voiced for at least two weeks. It's going to be a long summer.

Life isn't fair

2010-06-18T08:14:00.001-07:00

So we can all agree that life isn't fair; otherwise we would all be rich, famous, and gorgeous, right? And if life isn't fair how can we get through it? We get through it by plodding along, putting one foot in front of the other, and keep going. Sometimes it's really, really hard. And sometimes it flows smoothly and good things happen.

My life has been hard for the last few weeks. The tenant we had moved out in May - terrible timing - and we have had very few nibbles. We owe way more on our property than what it's worth, just like so many right now. Work here is non-existent for my partner who is having to spend weeks at a time away from home just to earn enough money to pay the mortgage. I had a very sick dog and spent several hundred dollars I couldn't afford to spend on medical care for him. Terrible disasters are all over the news, and although they don't affect my life directly, it hurts to see the devastation to people's lives and to the environment in places I used to live and that still have a place in my heart. It angers me that public figures don't seem to be affected by all this and just blithely continue collecting their huge paychecks and bonuses and make inane comments about the oil spill being a 'natural phenomenon'.

But through it all I have tried to keep a positive attitude. When I feel particularly down, I tell myself I can have this pity party for one day only, then I have to get on with my life. The fact that others have a harder time than I do doesn't make me feel better; it tends to make me more depressed that there are those worse off than I am. I try to count my blessings and be grateful for what I do have.

But it's hard; and life isn't fair.

Hummingbirds

2010-06-12T17:53:00.000-07:00

I happened to be in my front yard at the right time. Here are 2 baby hummingbirds in their nest waiting for dinner.

And 2 seconds later, here was Mom to feed the babies.

Fear

2010-06-06T08:19:00.000-07:00

I have written about fear before, but something struck me yesterday that I mulled over and decided to write about. Many of our fears are irrational. I'm not talking about true phobias but the everyday flavor of fear. Someone I know is afraid of spontaneous combustion someone else is afraid of being stranded on a dark country road and being murdered. Now these fears are nothing to be laughed at, but are they really rational? What are the chances they will happen? What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid of spiders - not a rational fear as I am much bigger than a puny spider, even the tarantulas we have here are much smaller than I am. Now there are nasty spiders like the black widow and the brown recluse that have painful bites, but they generally don't kill a person. I know what they look like and where I am likely to see one and have never been bitten by one. My fear of spiders has lessened over the years - I have consciously changed the script that runs in my mind when I see a spider from "nasty little thing - get it away from me" to "look at how amazing this creature is". Look at how intricate a spider web is and how strong for its size. There is nothing more beautiful than a spider web covered in dew when the first sun hits it in the morning.

My fear isn't totally gone - I still freak out if I see a spider in the house - but I can control it better. I take deep breaths and tell myself this little creature is useful for trapping other nasty bugs. I may move it outside but I no longer hysterically pound it until it's nothing more than a stain on the wall.

Bad things happen to people, true. How likely is it that what you're afraid of is really going to happen? Can you prevent it happening? Is your fear rational?

Compliments

2010-06-05T13:08:00.000-07:00

How do you react to a compliment? Do you hem and haw and make some deprecating remark? Or do you just say a simple 'thank you'?

I used to feel uncomfortable when someone complimented me and didn't quite know how to react. My mother taught me well! She belittled me often so my self worth was pretty much zero. I wasn't supposed to stand out in any way; I was supposed to blend into the background because that was a woman's place in this world. I was a straight A student; again, that was forbidden - men didn't like smart girls. So when I won prizes at school or with dance, I was accused of being too forward. Now, I wonder what happened to my mom that made her think that way? But it's too late to ask her, and she probably wouldn't have told me anyway. Emotions were to be hidden at all costs.

So what does this have to do with compliments? Whenever I was complimented I would think that person obviously didn't know me well, because if they did, they would run in the other direction. Gradually, though, over the years, I discovered that I am a good and worthwhile person. I like who I am, warts and all. Now when someone compliments me, instead of blathering on and on about what I did to look good, or saying it was nothing, or launching into a dissertation on how I found the outfit, shoes, whatever, I just smile and say "Thank You." That's all that's needed. Have you seen how other people light up when you compliment them on a new blouse, hairdo, or a job well done? How does it make you feel to have someone acknowledge you?

Go out and compliment someone today. Aim to compliment at least one person every day. It will not only make someone else feel good, but it will probably make you feel good, too. I don't mean you have to be overly smarmy. All it takes is a simple, "I love that blouse, the color really makes your eyes stand out" to see someone's face light up. Or a simple thank you for a good job. You get the picture.

And learn to graciously accept compliments with a simple acknowledgment - you're worth it!

Bad News Overload

2010-05-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

Anyone who pays attention to the news is probably suffering from bad news overload. All the news seems to be bad, from fighting and death in Thailand, to a plane crash in Africa, to the oil gushing into our beautiful Gulf Coast. It is so easy to become depressed and feel overwhelmed with all that is bad in the world. How to cope?

There must be some good news out there somewhere, but in the meantime, take a deep breath and focus on something positive. It is difficult to stay positive when those around you are moping and moaning and groaning about how bad things are, but it can be done.

One day last week I saw a hummingbird nest in one of the trees in my front yard. Hummingbirds are so tiny - the nest looked like the bump left on a tree branch when a smaller branch has been cut off - so it took me a while to realize what it was. The nest itself is so well-constructed and looks like it is permanently attached to the tree; unlike the dove's nest in my carport that looks like a bunch of twigs just piled on top of each other, and many of those twigs go flying onto my car with even the hint of a breeze. But back to the hummingbird nest; it is sculpted of feathers, leaf debris, and cobwebs. Yes, spider webs. (Did you know that spider webs are the strongest substance known to man?) I don't know if there are eggs in the nest, or baby birds, or if it's empty; I don't want to disturb her while she's there. When she leaves, it's only for a short time, and sometimes I see her perched on an adjacent branch.

So the point of this story is that even though the news may be bad, life goes on, and there is always something positive to focus on if you look.

Women and Mother's Day

2010-05-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

Today is Mother's Day in the US. It is a day to honor those of us who have children. But all women are mothers in some sense. We are the lifegivers, the caretakers. Let us today honor not only those women who have children, but also those women who create; whether ideas, or products, or services. We are creative and have the power to make our world a better place to live; we are the ones who care for the sick, the lonely, the abandoned, the forgotten; we are the ones who strive for new ways of doing things; we are the ones to change paradigms. We are awesome!

Prejudice

2010-05-02T16:24:00.000-07:00

I fear for our country. There is so much hatred flying around it's downright scary. Name calling, death threats, are all out there. If you don't agree with someone's opinion, that's fine. Calling in death threats, accusing someone who doesn't agree with you of being a Communist, Socialist, Fascist, whatever, is childish. America was built on dissent; but the climate right now makes it difficult to have a discussion or debate about anything. We all have opinions and used to respect the opinions of those who disagreed with us. Now it's un-American, fascist, whatever, to disagree with certain people. What is wrong with these people? Are they so scared of diversity that they will kill someone who is different? What happened to cooperation and compromise? I fear the anger is misplaced and is being directed at the nearest, weakest, target. And too many people are so blinded by their anger, they can't think and reason about what's happening; they merely parrot what they hear from hate-filled people in the media and in churches.

God bless America. We sorely need it.

Gratitude

2010-04-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

It is so difficult to be grateful when times are hard. But as I look around, I see those who are worse off than I am. It doesn't make my trials any easier to bear, but it does make me grateful for the things I have: good health, a home, a vehicle, furry four-legged friends who will do anything for love and who love me no matter what, a best friend and partner who is there to listen, a job where I am appreciated. So the hard times maybe aren't so hard. I see animals being turned in to our shelter every day whose owners are being foreclosed; I see animals who are abused, neglected, yet still have love to give. Who am I to complain?

Good news/bad news

2010-04-16T13:13:00.004-07:00

Have you heard the saying, if it wasn't for bad news there would be no news at all? Sometimes it is, if it wasn't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all? Well, let me tell you that neither is true! These sayings must have come from the-glass-is-half-empty type people because there is good news and good luck all around us; we have only to change our attitude to see good.

If you focus on bad news/luck, then that's all you ever see; if you focus on good news/luck, then that's what you get. Don't believe it? Then don't think about white cars. Now how many white cars do you think you will see in one day? Experiment with this. Then change your focus to good news/luck. Imagine having what you want; act as if you have it and see what happens.

Good luck!!

Granny D

2010-03-10T19:19:00.001-07:00

Granny D died yesterday at the age of 100. What a wonderful inspiration she is to all of us.
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gSKiw0fvvIOAaHsL1lkKsDFO4DFwD9EC00S80

Hard times

2010-03-09T20:10:00.002-07:00

How do you handle difficult times? I think many of us are going through hard times right now. Those of us still employed don't know when the ax will fall; those of us between jobs don't know if we'll find another one. How we handle difficulties says a lot about who we are. Do you fret and worry; make yourself miserable; take it out on others? Or do you keep a positive attitude; believe in yourself; help others out? Sometimes the only difference between feeling good about yourself and not feeling good about yourself is attitude. I have seen perfectly healthy people moan and complain about how ill they are, and others who are obviously ill be upbeat and in a good mood, helping others out. How you act often reflects how you feel about yourself. If you are constantly expecting things to go wrong; they will. If you believe in Murphy's Law; things will go wrong. If you expect things to work out for you, they will; perhaps not how you think they should, but they will work out for you.

I truly believe that the difficulties I have had in my life have made me who I am today, and I like who I am.

Friends

2010-02-23T08:43:00.004-07:00

It is during difficult times that we learn who our friends are. They are the people who show up at your door, or call you, as soon as they hear of a problem; they are the ones who sit silently holding your hand while they listen to your rants or your tears; they are the ones who let you be who you are without trying to change you, but will tell you what they really think without adding sugarcoating to make it more palatable. Friends will pull you along to where you need to be; they will support you even if they think you're wrong; but they will also be honest. Friends who disappear when you need them are not true friends.

Quote

2010-02-06T11:32:00.002-07:00

Happy Birthday to the late, great, Bob Marley.

Are you a follower?

2010-01-27T17:47:00.003-07:00

Do you follow certain people whose opinions you value? Do you take their opinions and beliefs as your own? If so, it's time to examine your beliefs and opinions. Look at how you formed those opinions and beliefs.

Some of us are told what to think and do it gladly; some of us are told what to think and reactively take the opposite side; but some of us examine those thoughts and formulate our own. I believe that only by examining all sides of an issue can we truly arrive at a belief or opinion. It is too easy to just parrot what someone else has said or written. And it's too easy in this internet age to read only opinions that agree with our own. That is the best way I know to become narrow-minded.

Try listening to people who disagree with you; really listen. I find that too many people don't know how to listen. Active listening means hearing what the person is saying, observing their body language, and absorbing what they say. It doesn't mean sort of listening while you're thinking about what your response will be.

The art of thoughtful debate has been lost somewhere along the way; we are too quick to dismiss someone else's opinion if it doesn't match our own. Only by listening to everyone's opinion can we learn and grow.

Try it for a while!

Success in Life

2010-01-25T18:04:00.003-07:00

I watched a football game yesterday. Not remarkable, really, but it started me thinking.

The game was the Minnesota Vikings and the New Orleans Saints. I have been a Saints fan almost from the beginning; the franchise started in 1967 and had their first winning season in 1987. During some of that first 20 years, Saints fans would attend games with paper bags over their heads and called the team the Aints. Yesterday, the Saints beat the Vikings and are going to the Super Bowl; for the first time; ever.

Life can be like that sometimes; we try and try and just can't win. Then one day, we win. But it doesn't just happen; it takes hard work, preparation, persistence, and belief that we can do it. I might have yelled at the TV a few times during a Saints game (OK, a lot of times!) but I never lost faith that some day they would make it to a Super Bowl. I just didn't think it would take 43 years!

Isn't that like our lives? Somehow, we pick ourselves up and keep going forward. We might get knocked down a time or two, yet we keep going. Sir Winston Churchill said it best:
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."

So have faith, in yourself, in your family members, in your friends, that success will come.

How do you decide?

2010-01-19T17:57:00.002-07:00

Do you make decisions out of fear? I think many of us do that. I know I have taken a job because it paid better than the job I really wanted; I have stayed in a job instead of doing something I loved; I have stayed in a marriage because I didn't realize I could make it on my own. Think about decisions you have made and look at the alternatives. Have you declined to dance because you were afraid you would look stupid? Have you decided against moving somewhere you really want to live because you're afraid of leaving your friends?

It's so easy to ignore choices because we're afraid of choosing.

Do-over

2010-01-12T20:30:00.003-07:00

There are no do-overs in this life. What is in the past is done. But it is hard to leave it there. Decisions we have made long ago can still haunt us; and we may still be feeling the repercussions today. We don't have to live in the past. It can sometimes be useful to remember things that happened; but to dwell on them is counter-productive. So how can we get out of the cycle of living in the past?

Live today as today. We only have one chance to make today count. Once today is gone, it can never be recaptured. To try to hold on to today is futile. We can only live today to the best of our ability and go forward from here. This isn't to say that we can't plan for the future. We can. It's important to be flexible, though. Setting small goals is much more manageable than setting some grandiose goal for some point in the future and than getting frustrated because it isn't getting here fast enough.

So even though there are no do-overs, we can still live from today forward. Was today a total bust? Start again tomorrow. We can't go back and change the past, but we can resolve to do better in the future, one day at a time.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T09:27:00.002-07:00

So a new year is officially here. Now what? Many consider New Year's Day as an opportunity for a new start, a clean slate. I think of every day as a new start. Each morning is a new opportunity to do something great. It can be as simple as greeting someone with a smile, even if he/she doesn't respond. It can be helping someone without being asked. We may never know how what we do affects others. Think back in your own life; do you remember a time when a smile or a helping hand made you feel better? Then pay it forward; every day.

New Year's Revolution

2009-12-30T17:33:00.003-07:00

Have you made your Resolutions yet? Instead of resolving to do something you probably won't continue, how about a New Year's Revolution? By that I mean do something radical - just take care of yourself, whatever that means for you.

It is only by looking back and reflecting on our lives that we can truly see that we have been given precisely what we needed exactly when we needed it. At the time, we may have ranted and raved and played the 'why me' game, but rest assured it was what we needed at that moment to continue our spiritual growth. I know there were times in my own life when I felt deprived, depressed, deserted; but looking back on those times, I have grown and flourished because of those hardships.

Life isn't all sunshine and roses, except for everyone else. But what we see in others isn't necessarily true. How often have you admired someone who seemed 'all together' only to find out they, too, had times of blackness and despair and feet of clay?

Live your life the way you are meant to live it; don't live your life according to someone else's idea of what that life should be. Take time to refresh yourself every day; each day is ours for such a fleeting moment and will never come again - make it count. If today was a disaster, try again tomorrow. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, success is going from failure to failure but never giving up. Eventually, you win.

May 2010 bring you everything you need, exactly when you need it, even if you don't realize it at the time.

Care and Feeding of the Soul

2009-12-21T16:35:00.002-07:00

Soul/spirit is a nebulous concept, but is the essence of who we are. Our spirits need care and feeding just as our bodies do. So how do we do this?

In a world that seems to be coming apart at the seams, it’s important to focus on self. This is not selfish by any means; if we don’t take care of ourselves, how will we have the strength to take care of anyone else? It’s important to take time out every day and do something we love. Sometimes it’s as simple as a few minutes by ourselves just sitting, or walking, or whatever it takes to just be. Enjoy a sunrise or sunset; a beautiful painting; soothing music; a cardinal in the snow; a simple house sparrow wallowing in the dust. All of these can be food for the soul. What feeds your soul?

Giving Thanks Part 2

2009-12-05T15:09:00.003-07:00

Thanksgiving is over, but that doesn't mean we can stop giving thanks. There is so much to be thankful for, even if you can't see it right now.

I can remember one of the darkest periods in my life: I had moved to a new place by myself and was recently divorced. For a period of about 2 months, I felt totally alone, depressed, had nobody to discuss things with. I became withdrawn, didn't go out except to walk the dog and shop for groceries. Gradually, I began to notice my surroundings and began to appreciate where I was. I began a gratitude journal and resolved I would find at least 3 things every day to be thankful for. At first, it was so difficult to find even one. But with practice, I found much more than 3 things every day; some days I had a hard time picking only 3. And so on to today.

I still have so much to be thankful for; even things that seem negative at the time. Yes, there are days where it is difficult to find one thing to be grateful for, but when I persist, the grace begins to pour.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-22T15:06:00.003-07:00

I heard today that ~17% of people in this country don't know where their next meal is coming from. That's 1 in 6 people! 49,000,000 people; and 17,000,000 of those are children. ( http://www.philly.com/inquirer/front_page/20091117_Hungry_millions__USDA_documents_leap.html)
And those are 2008 statistics. Since then, there are more unemployed people, more foreclosures. I have heard some politicians say that if people are hungry, it's their own fault. I have heard others say that hunger isn't a problem. Those comments make me angry, because the people making those statements obviously aren't paying attention to what is going on in this country. It's a disgrace that anyone in this country should go hungry. Local food banks are stretched to their limits.

But there is hope if all of us give what we can to our local food bank. To see what you can do to help, go to: http://feedingamerica.org/
If all of us donate just one can of food to the local food bank, do you know how big an impact that could have? In thanksgiving, I challenge you to give at least one can of food a week to your local food bank (more if you can). And don't stop when the holiday season is over - hunger happens all year.

How do you want to be remembered?

2009-11-15T17:58:00.003-07:00

What would you like people to say at your eulogy? What will they say? Most of us find it hard to be objective and see ourselves as others do. Think about it. Write your ideal obituary. Now look at it. Is that who you really are? If so, good for you; if not, how can you live up to how you want people to remember you. Start now. Take one thing at a time and change it. Trying to change everything at once isn't always possible, so pick the most important behavior or attitude you want to change and create a plan. Give yourself a few days to come up with the plan; change it, refine it, add to it, delete from it; but set a time limit. It would be very easy to just keep changing the plan and never implementing it. Once you put the plan into motion, you can refine it, but follow it. Give yourself 3 weeks to change. Once you have changed that first characteristic, start working on the next one. You may find that changing just one thing will trigger changes in other areas of your life, and some of those things you want to change will change on their own.

Let me know how it goes for you.

Lest we forget

2009-11-08T11:19:00.003-07:00

November 11th is Veterans Day. In spite of what the TV commercials tell us, it is not a day to go shopping for bargains; it is a day to honor all veterans.

Veterans Day began November 11, 1918, when an armistice was observed at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. World War 1 didn't officially end until June, 1919, when the Treaty of Versailles was signed.

Originally known as Armistice Day, it was set aside to honor all veterans when Congress changed the name from Armistice Day, a day to celebrate and honor WWI veterans, to Veterans Day, to honor and celebrate all veterans.

It doesn't matter whether or not you agree with a particular war, our veterans deserve a vote of thanks from us. I'm sure your community has a ceremony to honor its veterans, alive and dead, present and past. Will you be there?

Relaxation

2009-11-03T18:52:00.003-07:00

We all live such busy lives it's sometimes hard to find time to truly relax. Here's an exercise to help:

Lie on your back on the floor or on the bed with your hands and arms lying next to your body. Try to breathe evenly but don't focus on your breathing. Starting at your toes, curl your toes under and tense the muscles in your feet. Focus on tensing the muscles in your ankles, then your calves, your knees, thighs, and all the way up your body, including your shoulder, neck, and facial muscles. Hold the tension. Now starting with your toes, relax the muscles in the same order in which you tensed them.

This exercise is so you can feel the difference between tense and relaxed. During the day, check your muscles. Are they feeling tensed up? Relaxed? Now that you can tell the difference, you should be able to relax muscles that are feeling tense. Pay close attention to back, shoulder, and neck muscles, especially if you sit at a desk all day.

What do you take for granted?

2009-10-29T19:07:00.005-07:00

I was watching a show on PBS the other night about a family in Turkey that had children who were incapable of walking upright; they walked on their hands and feet. The children ranged in age from the early 20s to the mid 30s and had never had a medical evaluation until the researchers showed up to learn about them. My partner and I started talking about how access to medical care for them could have made a world of difference to their walking ability. Here in the US, if a child wasn't walking by say, 18 months, there would have been all kinds of tests, physical therapy, etc. (provided the parents could afford it or had good health insurance.) But that also started me thinking about so many things we take for granted in most of the country. (There are parts of the US that are like Third World countries: no running water, no electricity, no access to medical care. But if you have the ability to read this, you probably don't live in one of those areas. ) We have reliable electricity; clean water; reasonably inexpensive ways to heat and cool our homes; dependable access to food; relatively inexpensive fuel for our cars. Well, I think you get the picture. There have been so many times I didn't even think about how electricity gets to my home when I flipped on a light switch; or I have turned on the faucet without ever thinking about how my water is cleaned and sent to my house. There are so many things I take for granted; that my partner will be here waiting for me when I get home from work; my pets will be happy to see me; my kids and grandkids will call me often just to say hi, and on and on.

What do you take for granted?

Breath of Life

2009-10-28T12:44:00.003-07:00

Breathing is essential to life. But did you know that how you breathe can be important, too? Take an inventory, right now, of how your body is positioned as you're reading this. Are you sitting up straight? Or are you slumped in your chair or hunched over the keyboard? If you are not sitting up straight, your lungs can't expand to their full capacity, which means you are not taking in enough oxygen. Imagine a string attached to your body that goes up through the top of your head to the ceiling. Now make sure that string is in a straight line. You should be sitting with your back as straight as possible; your chin at a 90 degree angle to the floor; your shoulders relaxed; your feet flat on the floor so your thighs are parallel to the floor. This opens up your chest cavity and allows your diaphragm and lungs to expand properly. Sitting tense and hunched over a desk or computer keyboard will make you tired.

Breathing exercises
Place one hand on your abdomen. As you breathe in (through your nose, not your mouth) focus on moving your diaphragm so your hand moves outward. Now slightly open your mouth and 'whoosh' out your breath. Repeat. Did you feel your body relax as you exhaled? This is a simple breathing exercise you can do any time during the day to relieve stress. You only need to do this 2 or 3 times to feel more relaxed.

Here's another one: Place the tip of the tongue between your 2 front upper teeth. Now breathe in through your nose to the count of 4 while focusing on your abdominal breathing; hold the breath for the count of 7; exhale through your mouth to the count of 8. This exercise should be done while lying down the first few times as it may make you feel dizzy if you are not used to deep breathing.

And finally: if you have trouble falling asleep because your mind won't 'turn off' here's an exercise to try. Breathing normally, count the number of times you exhale up to 4; then start again. So 1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4, etc. By focusing on your breathing, you are telling your mind to be quiet so you can relax and sleep.

Let me know if these work for you, or if you have other suggestions.

Thanks for reading!

Face Your Fears

2009-10-27T17:43:00.002-07:00

Most of us make our decisions out of fear. Think about that for a minute; we make decisions out of fear. Now, before you start protesting, really think about it. Have you ever decided to take a job with benefits instead of the job you really wanted that didn’t have benefits? How about choosing a ‘sure thing’ rather than something that was iffy even though you weren’t really happy with that choice? Decided it was easier to stick with your current partner, even though things aren’t good, instead of getting out of the situation? Weren’t those decisions made from fear? Maybe it was fear of the unknown; or fear of failure; or fear of not having enough money to live on. What makes you the most afraid? Perhaps it’s fear of losing your home; your marriage; your job; your mind; your health; a loved one. Have you really faced those fears?

Living in fear is exhausting. It saps our energy and leaves us feeling drained at the end of the day or even when we get up in the morning. So what can we do to face our fears? And face them we must if we want to live fulfilling lives. My suggestion is to take your worst fear, and write a plan to get through it. Suppose your fear is of losing your marriage; you have that niggling fear that all is not well and your spouse might leave. So before this happens, write a plan. Imagine you are helping a friend get through that very same situation; what advice would you give? Think about the steps you would tell your friend to take; write them down. Now write the plan for you. Put the written plan in a safe place, in case you need it (you may never need it!!) By making plans now, before the worst happens, you are prepared for anything. And what you fear the most may never happen, but if it does, you are ready. You have faced your fears, and you won. As my Gran used to say: Expect the best; prepare for the worst!

Persistence

2009-10-26T18:00:00.003-07:00

In my neighborhood is a tree that I pass on my daily walks. So what? I hear you saying, there are lots of trees. But this one is different; it is growing out of a tiny crack in the street right where the curb begins. Every couple of months, the road crews cut it back; every couple of months it comes back and grows a couple more feet. I live in the desert, so this tree gets hardly any rain (our average is 12" annually; and we've had about 9" or less annually for the last 10 years or more); is never fertilized; gets cut down to a nub frequently; and yet keeps trying to grow. Isn't that so like life? We get ignored, cut off at the knees, no encouragement, yet we keep trying. Eventually, we get where we need to be. In the meantime, remember the tree and keep trying!

A new beginning

2009-10-25T13:56:00.001-07:00

Every day is a new beginning; we have a chance to start fresh with a clean slate. No matter what happened yesterday, or last week, or last month, or last year, or even last decade, today is really all we have. It is often difficult to start over daily; we have too much hanging over us from previous days. But it can be done. Focus on the positives, not the negatives. What we tell ourselves will happen is what usually happens; so focus on positive things. Choose a mantra to get you through the day, and make it positive. For example: I am a talented human being; I am a beautiful person; I am a great (wife, mother, nurse, accountant, daycare worker, whatever it is you are.) Pick whatever works for you. And while you're at it, find 3 things you love about yourself and repeat them to yourself periodically through the day. Write them down on a piece of paper, carry it with you and look at it as often as you need to see it. Finally, when things begin to go wrong, instead of asking 'Why me (or why now, or whatever hits you)' try being thankful for whatever it is. For instance, if you get a flat tire, try being thankful that you have a car, even if it is old and falling apart. It isn't easy, believe me, I know! But you can do it. After all, today is a new day.

Peace.

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